I’ve always dreamed of being a writer.  A damned good writer.  Someone that finds himself sitting at a tiny table in a New York bookstore, signing a hardcover book and adding some pithy statement.  Perhaps for some yawning cubicle cowboy during his lunchbreak, who says to me  ”I don’t get your stuff, but my son can’t seem to put your books down.”  Something like that.  In order to get there, I know I have to write and write and write.

I don’t actually suck at writing, but I don’t not suck at it enough….  You have that one thing you wish you were better at, know you would be better at, if only you had a third arm, more muscles, a sharper mind, or non-opposing appendages.

April 15th is National That Sucks Day, so I gotta share a few things I’ve learned about not sucking, as though I were an expert.  Ha.  They’re not secret or anything, so feel free to share them widely.  If I actually followed these golden nuggets of better-ness, I would be spending my time signing those hardbacks for cubicle cowboys, instead of typing this for you…

How Not to Suck at Something

1.  Figure out what you really, really, deep down care about being good at.  Try to stick with that one thing, okay?  Because what comes next takes a looong time, and you don’t want to have to repeat the process over and over while “discovering yourself.”  Colonel Sanders got good at cooking chicken, because he didn’t spend much time considering a better burger.

2.  Surf the Internet and learn as much as you can about what you want to not suck at.  Unless, of course, you are trying to get better at surfing the Internet.  Copy and paste text into easily accessible Word or Google docs, or handwrite your new treasures of knowledge into a journal.  Really consume the information you find, and try to put it in your own words.  Ruminate on the things you’ve discovered at night, rather than having hot sex with supermodels.  That’s what Colonel Sanders would’ve done.

3.  Visit your public library, or better yet, purchase books on the subject.  If you pay cold hard cash for something, you are more likely to consider it an investment and demand dividends from it.  Read it all, page by page, using a highlighter.  Take notes in the margins or that shiny new journal.

4.  Watch videos related to the subject.  C’mon, if YouTube has videos on how to knit a dog sweater, it has videos on what you’re trying to not suck at.  Go online and find local venues that demonstrate the skill you are working on.  Get a front row seat, and try not to weird out the speaker by staring too long at him as he works the stage.

5.  Talk to others who either don’t suck at what you’re getting better at, or are learning too.  Join online forums, Facebook fan pages, local groups, etc.  Make friends with these people, if you can.  Don’t you think Tony Hawk spends his “off time” with really freaking awesome skaters?  Yeeeessss….

6.  Don’t be afraid to actually pay for and take classes on the subject.  Nothing beats being surrounded by other individuals who are focused on not sucking at the same endeavor, as well as an instructor you’ve paid good money to push you.

7.  Break down the skill you are working on into its most essential elements.  It might be easier to work on each element separately, getting better at it until you feel you’ve mastered it enough to take on another related skill.

8.  Try your hand at what you love.  You’ll fail, by the way.  Miserably, and people will laugh and point.  You’ll downright suck at it.  You just might get physically or emotionally hurt during the process.  Think this is hard?  The next step is the hardest, and the most essential in surmounting your suckiness…

9.  Don’t stop trying.  That’s what separates those who suck from those who don’t.  While rubbing Neosporin on your healing scabs, watch more videos.  Read more books.  Attend more events.  Get back on, under, in or over the damn thing and try it again.  Wear more padding or make sure you find a private place.  Get an understanding therapist or doctor.  Just don’t stop trying, okay?

10. Get a mentor.  Any mentor.  If he smells like old goat cheese and curses at you too often, get another one.

Good luck.  Why not spend a little time and tell me in the comments what you’re working on?  I’d love to know, and it’ll give me more practice at responding to comments.  This is a skill I have to learn in order to be a better blogger, so you’re helping me too!

“Humor is tragedy plus time.” ~ Mark Twain

Seriously. It’s pretty bad out there these days. Natural disasters, job losses, gas prices, and the Transformers movies just keep coming. We’re not waiting for the next shoe to drop anymore — we’re waiting for it to smack us upside the head. Hard. How do we deal with it? Well, sometimes with a good laugh…

April 14th is International Moment of Laughter Day. It would be a nice time to open up another browser window and sneak peeks at one of those “Not Safe For Work” sites. Go ahead, do it. Because you’re starting to worry people, and it’ll do you some good.  If the boss isn’t looking.

You could also use this day to calibrate your funny bone. How’s your sense of humor these days? Do you have problems laughing at the shows that used to give you a lot of pleasure? How many times have you actually made others laugh — and I’m not talking about that time you picked up that dropped sheet of paper and a fart slipped out.

If these tough times make you feel as though your life is moving from a sitcom into a Greek tragedy, perhaps you should take a little time and redevelop your sense of humor.  It’ll do you a lot of good.  I’ve compiled a few techniques below to help out…

How to Develop Your Sense of Humor

What kind of humor do you like? Realize there are many styles of humor, and each appeal to different people.  There’s dry humor, sarcastic humor, slapstick, puns, exaggeration, irony, public statements made by Charlie Sheen, etc.  Which one of these hits you at a visceral level, making you snort out whatever you are drinking in a CSI-type splatter pattern?  Your favorite type of humor is likely the type you’re going to feel the most natural sharing in your interactions with others.  Just make sure it isn’t offensive to your target audience…  Jenny in Accounting might not appreciate the blonde jokes – I know already.

How do others do it? I know this is going to be difficult, but you must muster the courage to spend endless hours on the couch.  You have to learn from the masters of comedy, so watch a lot of comedies, read a lot of funny books, and visit local improv bars.  Watch for timing, timeliness of content and delivery, and how the audience reacts to the conversation.  It’ll feel like studying for awhile, but c’mon, how often do you get to watch Will Ferrell in action for homework?

What do I think? Spend some time in developing a journal, or starting a blog.   Don’t worry about whether or not anyone is reading your writing – this is an exercise for you.  Besides, nobody really reads blogs anymore, we just pretend we do.  You’re not really reading this, are you?  No, you’re wondering if there’s someone at your workplace actually named Jenny.

Think about humorous events from your past, and write down your own personal slant on them.  What made them funny to you or others?  How could you discuss these events in such as way as to wring from them every possible laugh?

How do I start? After you have a ton of good one-liners that you think would be humorous all on their own, wait to pounce, you hungry comedic leopard. When conversation allows, begin adding these zingers into your daily conversations with others.  Pay special attention to how they are received, and don’t overdo it, even if you leave them in stitches in the break room.  Everything has a limit, except for chocolate.  You will have to learn timing and quantity, as well as how to steer clear of those who simply can’t take a joke.

How do I keep it natural? Comedy works best when it appears to come naturally from the person who is speaking.  Surround yourself with people who you feel are almost always funny. Over time, you’ll begin to see that they are keen to the irony in situations, or to sex-filled double entendres in common conversations. Watch how they naturally slip their commentary in, or how they use timing perfectly. You can learn a lot from observation, and you’ll ultimately be challenged to keep up!

Whom do I approach? Everyone, and often.  You’re never going to be seen as funny if you never have conversations. Begin talking to more people around you, making a point to simply have conversation, funny or not. Compliment others on their outfits, hair, accomplishments, new car, etc. Congratulate people when they have anniversaries, birthdays, children or grandchildren. Pay attention to others and begin to become a part of their lives by simply talking to them.  The humorous banter will come out over time.

Mark Twain had it right, in his realization that humor is a survival skill of sorts.  Through humor we show a sense of relief for having survived something together.  For a lot of us, it’s how we cope with something that otherwise might be difficult to deal with, whether in our own lives or in the lives of others.  By getting more familiar with those around us in our daily lives, we feel a greater sense of having weathered challenging situations with them.  By developing our ability to laugh about our lots in life, we draw closer to each other.  We bond.

I know times are tough right now, but it’s high time you got started on this.  It’s about time you laughed.  Because Megan Fox needs work again, and there’s so much more to say about Optimus Prime.  Really.

March 25th is Waffle Day.  Oh, you could break out the two-sided indented breakfast champion, smack around some Bisquick in a bowl and become everyone’s favorite friend at the dining room table.  Nobody’s stopping you.  If you live in the Houston area, however, you might want to revisit your maple syruped early morning passion this Wednesday to see waffles done right.

I’m talking about Phi Nguyen and his Waffle Bus.

Just a year ago, Nguyen got laid off from his job as a laptop screen expert, and found himself like so many, trying to figure out what to do next to make ends meet.  Not wanting to follow in everybody else’s footsteps back to some form of office environment, Nguyen embraced a desire to become a mobile restauranteur – a four-wheeled artist specializing in the common breakfast medium.

A few months ago, Nguyen outfitted a snazzy red food truck, christening it The Waffle Bus.  Not wanting to leave his business up to word of mouth, Nguyen took to the Web, creating The Waffle Bus website, a Facebook page, Twitter account and more.  You’ll find frequent status updates, and Nguyen takes social seriously, as he replies to many who contact him online.  He loves to use the hashtag #everydayimwafflin and loves sharing Twitpics of him in action.

“Every day for lunch we’ll make about 150 waffles,” said Nguyen in an interview with KIAH, Houston, Texas. “We’re fast enough to where we can make 80 waffles an hour.”

Wondering how a truck would fare slinging breakfast foods?  Because he takes his trade seriously, Nguyen’s menu includes his special recipe round confections served alongside Buttermilk Fried Chicken with spicy mayo of chili honey, Smoked Salmon with caper dill cream cheese, or even a quarter pound waffle cheeseburger, with a side of waffle fries.

Still want your waffle on the sweeter side?  Then try the Nutella and banana combination, or give a S’mores waffle a try.  You’re sure to be humbled by what Nguyen’s got cookin’.

You can find The Waffle Bus around a variety of Houston hotspots, Wednesdays through Saturdays.  Sorry, he’s closed today (maybe there ought to be a campaign to make sure he makes the rounds on Waffle Day?)  Stop by The Waffle Bus website to find out how to rendezvous with Houston’s famous big red mobile waffle machine.

March 20th is Extraterrestrial Abductions Day.  This doesn’t mean expect to be whisked away today from that Starbucks line by little green or grey dudes with large heads, black eyes and long, pokey fingers.  On Monday mornings especially, however, getting snatched from the endless queue for a caramel macchiato might actually feel like a saving grace.

Today is a day to ponder on the statements made by those who’ve said they’ve had the unique displeasure of unwillingly rendezvousing with beings from another world.  And I don’t mean Milwaukee.  What if the abductions really happened, and what does it mean for the rest of us?  Will the little green or grey men be clogging up the Starbucks line, too?  Some of us need to know…

Communion and The Visitors Author Whitley Strieber highlighted his ongoing and deeply troubling personal experiences with other-world beings, as he met with other individuals who slowly came to their own realization that they’d had ‘close encounters of the third kind’.  Each person shared a very unique set of odd physical and mental ticks, spotty memories, and easily charged emotions related to their experiences, whether real or not.

Have you ever wondered if you’ve been visited by aliens from outer space?  If so, here are the top 50 signs that some of the cold, dark evenings you thought you spent alone might have been shared with your little other-worldly “friends”.

1. Have had unexplainable missing or lost time of one hour or more.
2. Have been paralyzed in bed with a being in your room.
3. Have unusual scars or marks with no possible explanation on how you received them (small scoop indentation, straight line scar, triangular marks, scars in roof of mouth, in nose, behind or in ears, etc.)
4. Have seen balls of light or flashes of light in your home or other locations
5. Have a memory of flying through the air which could not be a dream, or many dreams involving flying.
6. Have a strong “marker memory” that will not go away (i.e.: an alien face, an examination, a needle, a table, a strange skinny baby, etc.)
7. Have seen beams of light outside your home, or come into your room through a window.
8. Have had many dreams of UFOs, beams of light, or alien beings.
9. Have had a shocking UFO sighting or multiple sightings in your life.
10. Have a cosmic awareness, an interest in ecology, environment, vegetarianism, or are very socially conscious.
11. Have a strong sense of having a mission or important task to perform, sometime, without knowing where this compulsion is coming from.
12. Have a secret feeling that you are “special” or “chosen,” somehow.
13. Have had unexplainable events occur in your life, and felt strangely anxious afterwards.
14. Have had several strange psychic experiences – such as knowing that something is going to happen before it happens.
15. Have awoken in another place than where you went to sleep, or don’t remember ever going to sleep. (i.e. waking up with your head at the foot of your bed, or in your car)
16. Have had a dream of eyes such as animal eyes (like an owl or deer), or remember seeing an animal looking in at you. Also if you have a fear of eyes.
17. Have awoken in the middle of the night startled.
18. Have strong reaction to pictures of aliens. Either an aversion to or being drawn to.
19. Have inexplicably strong fears or phobias. (i.e. heights, snakes, spiders, large insects, certain sounds, bright lights, your personal security or being alone).
20. Have seen someone with you become paralyzed, motionless, or frozen in time, especially someone you sleep with.
21. Have a memory of having a special place with spiritual significance, when you were a youngster.
22. Have had someone in your life who claims to have witnessed a ship or alien near you or has witnessed you having been missing.
23. Have had, at any time, blood or a strange stain on sheet or pillow, with no explanation of how it got there.
24. Have an interest in the subject of UFO sightings or aliens, perhaps compelled to read about it a lot.
25. Have an extreme aversion towards the subject of UFO’s or aliens – don’t want to talk about it.
26. Have been suddenly compelled to drive or walk to an out of the way or unknown area.
27. Have the feeling of being watched much of the time, especially at night.
28. Have had dreams of passing through a closed window or solid wall.
29. Have seen a strange fog or haze that should not be there.
30. Have had unusual nose bleeds at any time in your life. Or have awoken with a nose bleed.
31. Have awoken with soreness in your genitals which can not be explained.
32. Have had back or neck problems, T-3 vertebrae out often, or awoken with an unusual stiffness in any part of the body.
33. Have had chronic sinusitis or nasal problems.
34. Have had electronics around you go haywire or oddly malfunction with no explanation (such as street lights going out as you walk under them, TV’s and radios affected as you move close, etc.).
35. Have seen a hooded figure in or near your home, especially next to your bed.
36. Have had frequent or sporadic ringing in your ears, especially in one ear.
37. Have an unusual fear of doctors or tend to avoid medical treatment.
38. Have insomnia or sleep disorders which are puzzling to you.
39. Have had dreams of doctors or medical procedures.
40. Have frequent or sporadic headaches, especially in the sinus, behind one eye, or in one ear.
41. Have the feeling that you are going crazy for even thinking about these sorts of things.
42. Have had paranormal or psychic experiences, including intuition.
43. Have simply heard an external voice in your head, speaking to you, perhaps instructing or guiding you.
44. Have been afraid of your closet, now or as a child.
45. Have had sexual or relationship problems (such as an odd “feeling” that you must not become involved in a relationship because it would interfere with “something.”)
46. Have to sleep against the wall or must sleep with your bed against a wall.
47. Have a fear that you must be very vigilant or you will be taken away by “someone.”
48. Have a difficult time trusting other people, especially authority figures.
49. Have had dreams of destruction or catastrophe.
50. Have the feeling that you are not supposed to talk about these things, or that you should not talk about them.

If you’ve experience an overwhelming majority of these signs, perhaps you’d like to schedule some therapy time with a specialist in regression therapy, or grab a Strieber novel, and fetch yourself that caramel macchiato.  After all, the Starbucks line has probably thinned out a bit by now.  If it’s dark, better take along a friend.

A human friend.

In the Olduvai Gorge of Africa over 1,000,000 years ago, they enjoyed them, placing them on top of rocks and gingerly tapping them, one by one, until each was released, a repetition leaving small circular indentations in the stones surviving to this day.

Because they could be collected from all around, were lightweight, and could be stored for great periods of time through tough winters, nuts (mixed with other dried foods) allowed for the formation of base camps and hunting exhibitions.  The carrying of dried nuts allowed groups to travel great distances without the necessary concern of what to eat along the journey. In other words, the variety of nuts found in ancient times, in part, allowed our ancestors to comfortably spread out across the globe.

Today is National Nut Day, and I’m torn between celebrating either the guy who wears dirty sweaters and shouts at the walls as you transit from your parked car to the office door (and you pray he won’t notice you) or that little delicious, crunchy, culinary delight in the big grocery bin.  Maybe in some weird way, I can figure out how to do both…

If you asked a botanist

Ask a botanist what a nut is and he’ll likely first think of you, because you’re bothering him, and frankly he doesn’t know you.  After he moves past that, he’ll tell you that a “true nut” is a dry fruit with a hardened ovary (Ovary? Really?) and softer, detached seed center, and that it stays shut even at full maturity.   I don’t know why it has to be described in that way…ask your new botanist friend!  Examples of what a botanist would call a “true nut” are chestnuts, beechnuts, hazelnuts and filberts.  I’ll bet when a botanist is at Baskin Robbins and is ordering toppings for his girlfriend’s ice cream sundae, he says nuts, even if they are not “true nuts.”  He does if he wants to keep dating her….

If you asked someone who cooks for a living

In the world of cuisine, the definition of a nut is fast and loose.  If you spent your day around sharp knives and open flames, you might be a little loose with the definitions too.  Any large oily seed extracted from a shell and used to cook with is considered a nut in the world of the kitchen.  Because we have much closer relationships with those that cook our meals than botanists, we tend to view pistachios, walnuts, almonds, cashews, coconuts, pinenuts and even peanuts as “nuts.”  Everyone likes to remind the lowly peanut that he is actually a legume, or bean.  The peanut never asked for such dichotomy.  If some of us can call Perez Hilton a celebrity, why can’t we just call a peanut a nut?

Health benefits of eating nuts

A diet that includes nuts has a variety of benefits to the eater.  The Omega 3 oils in nuts reduces hypertension and the risk of heart disease, and may add years to your life if you replace sweet treats at breaktime with them often.  Studies have shown that putting out a bowl of walnuts and almonds can actually reduce the level of “bad” cholestrol in our bodies, and increase the number of health-conscious hotties hanging around your desk.

Nuts are rich in fiber, protein, antioxidants, and vitamins.  Because of a very low glycemic index, nuts are typically suggested as a snack for anyone with insulin resistance problems, such as diabeties. Nuts contain linoleic and linolenic acids that help with proper skin, hair, brain, blood and immunilogical development.  They are considered to be one of the “perfect” foods, due to the large cross-section of identified benefits in consuming them in moderation.

Types of nuts

Here is a non-comprehensive list, in alphabetical order, of the types of nuts you can eat.  Some may require special preparation, so don’t run out and grab just any one of them off the ground!  Have you had the opportunity to try most of these?  I’ll bet you haven’t!

• Acorn
• Beech
• Butternut
• Brazilnut
• Candlenut
• Cashew
• Chestnuts (Chinese, Malabar, and Sweet)
• Colocynth
• Cucurbita Ficifolia
• Filbert
• Gevuina Avellana
• Hazelnut
• Hickory (Pecan, Shagbark Hickory)
• Kola
• Macadamia
• Mamoncillo
• Maya
• Mongongo
• Oak Acorns
• Ogbono
• Paradise
• Pili
• Pistachio
• Walnut

From nut to “nutter”

So how did such a good little food, responsible for the survival and spread of our species over millenia, become a derogatory term meaning “insane?”  Although there are no really direct explanations for it, there are regional cultural cues in our language that may’ve led to this…

From the 18th to 20th Centuries, the slang version of nut or nuts was used in a positive manner, denoting an extreme desire toward something.  This was highlighted in Mark Twain’s novel Huckleberry Finn, circa 1884: “Tom had his store clothes on, and an audience — and that was always nuts for Tom Sawyer.”  It was not uncommon in literature to describe the height of love as being a form of insanity.  Sometime around the mid 20th Century, the word nut became synonymous with describing one’s head, with terms such as “tough nut to crack” being used to describe one with very guarded thoughts or emotions.

Somewhere in the mid 20th Century, all of these terms seemed to converge, and the term nuts came to be used to describe someone whose sanity was in permanent (rather than temporary) question.  A variety of terms came about, including nutter, nuthouse, nutty, nuthead, etc., all demeaning in form.  In the last 30 years of so, the term nuts has taken back some of its original meaning, and is used once again to describe a pleasant but strong desire toward something.

Add some nuts to your life

Knowing how the wonderful nut has contributed so greatly to our survival and in no small way to the fact that you live where you do, why not take some to the office with you?  And say hello on the way to the guy with the stinky sweater. He might want some too…

October 6th is Come and Take It Day.  There is a profound difference between the words “Get” and “Take.”  One implies that you’ve been invited and are “getting” something.  The latter doesn’t require permission; simply seize what you want, for whatever reason.  But the inclusion of the word “Come” changes everything all over again.  The term “Come and take it” has a challenging tone to it, don’t you think?

Gregorio Cortez Lira

Gregorio Cortez Lira was a Mexican laborer who went on the run in Texas at the turn of the 20th Century, after being wrongfully accused of horse theft.  His brother was shot during the questioning by the local Sheriff, and he killed the man in defense.  Cortez’s pursuit became legendary, lasting ten days and taking a posse of over 300 men. It was one of the largest manhunts in history, sparked largely due to racial stereotyping and deep-seated anger between Anglos and Mexicans all along border towns. Songs were written about the man who walked over 100 miles in in the desert wilderness, in an attempt to escape mangled justice.  All men like Cortez wanted to do was make a simple life for themselves, pulling together what they earned and trying to protect it against continued hostile sentiment.

Come and Take It Day

Come and Take It Day has odd origins, to say the least.  Commemoration of this day began soon after the release of a movie of the same name in 2001, about friends looking for a hidden cache of gold coins meant for the man who captured Gregorio Cortez Lira 100 years earlier.  In the process of locating and attempting to recover the treasure, the friends try to figure out what it means to be  Americans, to be of  Mexican descent, and to be men.  The treasure was found to be buried on a heavily guarded military base, and the attempt to take the treasure ended quite tragically.

My Treehouse Incident

I have distant memories of myself and a menagerie of friends building a small tree house in a neighboring forest in upstate New York.  Our wooden hideout was culled together from half-rotting scraps of wood found strewn everywhere, but it was ours, and it was private, a way station for enjoying those things our mothers deemed undesirable.  We spent our afternoons haphazardly pounding in the nails we had stolen from our fathers’ empty mayonnaise jars with “borrowed” hammers.  It was both decrepit and resplendent, a semi-secretive masterpiece of woodworking ineptitude. But it was ours, or so we thought…

Days after completion, we returned after school to find that our hidden treasures had been rummaged through and gleaned from.  We were outraged, swearing upon pain of death to each other that we would keep a watchful eye on our digs, passing by it often and listening in for trespassers.  Apparently our stash was deemed worthy of a repeat visit, as one day not long therafter a group of three very mean (and much older) teenagers came across us talking and laughing in our abode.

The teens demanded we leave, calling us a variety of colorful terms and telling us that both the tree house and the contents belonged to them.  Now I am not a man of stature, nor was I a tall child at the time of this forest stand down.  I not-so-fondly remember a bad day during the first week of Fourth Grade, as a First Grade teacher, sure that I was one of her students, tried to drag me, kicking and screaming, to her class following recess.  But what I lacked in height was traded for a big mouth….

“Come and Take It…”

The words fell from my lips before I could stop them, and I realized at that moment whatever happened next was my own damn fault, and I needed to steel myself for the response.  I didn’t have to wait long, as the biggest of the group pulled me down by the ankles, right out of the doorway, and slammed me up against a nearby tree.  I was introduced to two adrenaline-rushing moments at once, as his big, pimply face slammed up beside one side of mine, and I heard the quiet slink of a switchblade opening near the other side.

Of course, I got out of the situation.  It’s a whole other story unto itself, replete with expletives, threats, and lots and lots of running.  How I got out of it is not important.  What I learned from it is.

The Bitter Taste of What We Take

The treasures we take away, uninvited, from others contain a price that cannot be paid, ever.  The price tag hangs from the item, always in view, reminding us that we never paid properly, never met the social agreement for true ownership.  There is no peeling off of this nagging reminder, no cutting the string of continued guilt.

So what did I ultimately learn from the whole tree house episode?  That “Come and take it” never works out in the end, either when given as a threat, or to the one who succumbs to the call to fight and/or take.  It is so easy to overstep ourselves, to take from others, uninvited, if we do not respect ourselves and others.The pain of mistrust, of anger over wrongs done exists all along the fringes of our hearts, in our Soul’s innermost dwellings.  We often sour our lives by chasing after a false sense of self-justice, gaining no satisfaction when we confront it.

Those pleasures that we have earned in life through hard work, gathering together ideas and nailing them together over hard hours spent learning from our naïve mistakes,  are the buttresses upon which our happiest moments are built, whose very ladders carry us upward into the clouds, to greatness.

Written for October 5th, in commemoration of National Storytelling Festival Day…

Aristotle wrote in his treatise Poetics that there are seven golden rules to being successful in telling a story – plot, character, theme, dialogue, chorus, décor and spectacle. Learning to successfully balance these important essences of any story will make it desirable to the one taking part in it through reading or viewing it.

Did you know that you are both a story, and a storyteller? We’re all storytellers, aren’t we?  Pacing around on life’s stage, bringing attention to ourselves in the way we act (or don’t act,) in what we shout out to the “back rows” (or based on our abject silence,) in our moods and inconsistencies.  We practice all seven of Aristotle’s rules in how we live our lives and express ourselves out in the open, for all to see. Some more than others.  There are a few experts out there, balancing all of the essential parts of telling their story, and we simply love to sit back and watch them live.

You’re reading this because you are involved in some way with social media, whether as a writer, reader or sharer.  How do you get Aristotle’s seven story rules into balance, so that your social networking story is interesting to your friends and followers? You’ve got an interesting life, whether or not you think so.  How do we draw others into your very interesting life story using Twitter, Facebook or Google Plus?

Seven Ways to Make your Life Interesting in Social Media

Plot – This is way more than simply what’s going on in your life, or what you’re up to right now.  Get a plot already, and let others know what direction you’re going to take us on, from first page flip to climatic end.   Why did you take the time to create a social networking account in the first place? What are we all going to see on this wild ride?  Give us a steady, consistent stream of 140 character mini mission statements.  My ticket to your show was to follow or friend you, and I very much would like to know that you’ve taken some time with your life’s storyline…

Character – This is where you tell us about you as a person. It better go a lot further than your favorite colors, your favorite foods, and whatnot.  This is the part where you take stands in life, and decide that you are going to be YOU, absolutely and unequivocally yourself, on social networking sites.  You are going to tell people what you think about the issues in the news, and wait quietly while the rest of us figure out whether or not to mock you, okay?  Let us know your deepest philosophies about life and how we ought to treat others. Stand up and tell us your philosophical, religious, loving, caring, demanding stances.  Do you wear weird hats?  Got too many cats? Got an issue with taxi drivers? I got the ticket to see your performance, to hear your story, so I want the real McCoy.

Theme – This is your social media mood, so to speak.  Are you a serious blogger, tweeter or Facebooker, taking strong stances in life and demanding justice?  Are you a bit of a comic here, telling one joke after another for that fleeting laugh?  Do you lecture to me about what I should be doing or supporting? Do you coach me in life, putting your arm on my shoulder and helping me grow? Or do you flitter in between status updates, using that keen sense of timing to make the rest of us think, laugh or cry? Let me get lost in your pages.  Make me follow you so deeply my fiancée has to order me to shut the laptop and pay attention to the family…

Dialogue – Hey, if you can find others, you can talk to them, right?  Isn’t that the point of social networking – to dialogue with others – to be, well, social? How do you speak to others online?  How often? Do you seek out different opinions, and are you respectful when you actually hear them? Do you take the time to dig deeper into the stream of information and share in other people’s celebrations and problems by responding and resharing? Sometimes the tiniest of acknowledgements can mean the world to another.  Engage as many as you can stand to, because the most interesting stories are those that have characters we learn about slowly, page by page, their lives woven into a beautiful tale we just can’t put down…

Chorus – How often do you repeat the basic backbone of who you are?  How often do you remind your friends and followers what a wonderful person you are? How often do you log into your social media presence, even if only once a day, to just say hello and reconnect?  The reemergence of a little-known character, the reintroduction of one’s unique flavor into our daily social bread, can bring so much joy to life.

Décor – Every house should take on the character of the one living in it.  Figuring out how to decorate is one of the essential joys of moving in, right?  Have you decorated your social media space, and provided a basic mood for your visitors? Does your background image and avatar reflect your personality, or did you put up something just to make you look good?  There are a variety of places you can visit and download a decent background, as well as websites that can teach you how to “tweak” your social “brand” even more.  Is your social networking home made of stucco or wood siding?  Spend some time already!

Spectacle – Do you provide additional multimedia opportunities to get to know you? Adding photos and albums to your status updates is a terrific way to begin bringing people deeper into the story that is your life. (Okay, the pic to the left might be a bit excessive…) How many times have you watched a movie before reading a novel, and when finally getting around to the reading, have found it so much more fulfilling to have a mental picture of each character?  Adding photos to your social media space allows people to see you in their minds when reading your status updates or tweets.  And how about recording video and placing it on your site? Or even voice recordings?  The richer the spectacle, the more emotional the attachment, the longer your story is remembered…

Hey, we can’t all be an Aristotle, but even he was interested in people all around him – the ordinary folk, like you and I.  What is important is putting yourself out there, to share with others…

Let’s start your story, already!

The day was September 15, 2001, just four days after we held each other in front of our televisions, watching our combined sense of security explode, disintegrate, tumble to the very ground before our eyes.  For many of us, our hearts were still filled by having drunk from the bitter cup of sadness, distrust, fear, anger.  For some of us, this dangerous brew was just too much to stomach…

The Taking of Balbir Singh Sodhi

Balbir Singh Sodhi

Early that morning, like any other, Balbir Singh Sodhi headed off from his Mesa, Arizona home to work.  A Sikh from India, Balbir moved to America in 1991, opening up a gas station in Mesa a year later.

On that fateful day an angry Frank Roque, after having spent a number of days vowing revenge against “the ragheads” in local bars, walked into Balbir’s Chevron station and shot him to death. While being arrested, after having moved on to shoot into the home of an Afghani family and narrowly missing a Lebanese clerk at a Mobil station, Frank stated that he stood “for America all the way.”

Tragedies around us can be used to rebuild ourselves, too.

Letting this day change us

9/11 is a day of collective mourning for our Nation, going about our day amidst the calls for soft moments of silence, gingerly looking once again towards the slowly healing Footprints.  But if the sense of loss, the hollowness with which we went about our business, is as a result of thinking about the loss of lives on that day, then you have missed a chance to ponder on, to mourn another great loss  – discovering ourselves through friendship with the Stranger.

We must not be manipulated

In the aftermath of 9/11, Al Qaeda rejoiced in a perceived victory. What they saw was much more than the fall of the World Trade Center, the smoke rising from the Pentagon.  Al Qaeda’s sights were set much farther than the destruction of that day, as they awaited angry American retaliation.

Many messages, for many peoples.

To be sure the destruction of the day led us to an angry precipice, wanting solid revenge on the perpetrators. It is estimated that had Flight 93 hit its mark, likely the Halls of Congress or the White House itself, we may’ve struck out in blind anger at any number of Muslim nations.  At least that is what Al Qaeda had hoped for, and they were ready to drum up Muslim nations in retaliation against Western nations in turn, in an endlessly escalating spree of suspicion and anger, violence and war. Balbir Singh Sodhi was a victim of such a demand for immediate “justice,” a victim of being the Stranger during times of anger.

The truest path to losing our enemies

It is said that to love your enemy is the surest way to defeat him.  Our enemies in Al Qaeda rely on a belief that we are a nation of bigots and simpletons, that if you simply add angry men calling themselves Muslims into American society, along with some level of public destruction, we will attack and isolate ourselves from Islam.  So how do we upset these plans?

How well would you know them?

How well do you know Islam? Have you taken time to learn about the contents of the Koran? Have you taken the time to talk with a member of the Islamic faith?  Shared a lunch? Dinner? Day? Studied how 1.6 Billion people commemorate Ramadan, or helped even one Muslim family celebrate Eid ul-Fitr?  Are you actively working on breaking down the walls?

What we can do, in honor of 9/11

America is all about the melting pot, the blending of all of us together into one place.  To be truly “for America all the way,” is to blend ourselves into the mix, into that place.  To consider your neighbors that pray differently, dress differently, act differently to be just as much a part of the mixture as yourself.

Everyone we meet can teach us about ourselves.

I ask you to consider learning more about those faiths that are completely foreign to you.  I am asking you to take a journey together, to find the Stranger and get to know him, to bring an understanding of him into your life, to not only accept or tolerate, but to find a way to embrace his presence all around you.

In a melting pot society, we will never truly get to know our national identity, will never be able to strengthen its individual bonds against our enemies, without first having embraced the Stranger.  This is how we, truly, teach the world what it means to be “for America all the way.”

On this anniversary, we are shown the sites and sounds of the enormous square fountains marking the passage of Towers 1 and 2, their waters falling and rising together as one.  Let’s take the time to honor the lives of those lost, and then, tomorrow, wake up with the affirmed desire to honor the values of our forefathers and promise to melt into the mix further, to rise up and fall together, into One Nation, Under God.

How (some say) it all began

President Theodore (Teddy) Roosevelt

The year was 1902, and due to a long-standing boundary dispute between Mississippi and Louisiana, the governors of both states went with President Theodore Roosevelt on a hunting trip.  Teddy hoped the trip would allow time for the governors to resolve their differences.

President Roosevelt was well-known as a big game hunter, relentless in his pursuit of beasts in the wild. The target of choice during this five day hunt was the American Black Bear.

The national press grasped onto the enticing story, and a number of journalists followed along on the hunt, recording many aspects of it in great detail, much to the chagrin of the White House. With each passing and unsuccessful day of the hunt, the press egged the President on in the stories they sent out.

On the fifth and final day, one of Teddy’s companions, fed up with the press, caught a young bear, in an effort to make for an easy kill and silence the ongoing jokes. Teddy, however, refused to shoot a defenseless animal tied to a tree, practically unconscious and surrounded by dogs. (Rumor has it that Teddy ultimately asked one of his party to kill the poor animal with a hunting knife, to put it out of its misery.)

A good story becomes a legend

Cartoon of Teddy and the Bear Cub

The press reported far and wide on President Roosevelt’s decision to not kill the bear. Well-known cartoonist Clifford Berryman, following the firestorm of press coverage, decided to draw a representation of the event, playing up Teddy’s compassion toward the bear. The cartoon was extremely popular, and was redrawn over and over, each iteration making the animal smaller and smaller, eventually taking on the likeness of a tiny bear cub. In keeping with the border line dispute, the cartoon was named “Drawing the Line in Mississippi.”

Updates to the story based on reader feedback…

The above story has been told and retold so many times, that you can find a number of disputed bits of information in it, as brought to my attention by a reader – thank you!

Other accounts found state that the trip was solely for hunting, and that no Governors were involved with it, nor was it for the purpose of resolving a boundary dispute.  Another states a boundary dispute did indeed exist, but that Mississippi’s Governor merely invited Teddy to hunt in his fine State.

Accounts state that the bear was a full-size female that had been chased for hours.  The earliest cartoon drawing does indeed show a larger bear, with later iterations making the bear progressively smaller (and cuter.)  Likely, the Michtoms came across a later version of the drawing.

The Michtoms and their Teddy Bear

Morris and Rose Michtom, Russian immigrants living in Brooklyn, read the stories about Teddy and his bear, and thoroughly enjoyed the cartoon. Having moved to America penniless twenty years earlier to escape the Jewish pogroms, they earned a modest income on the side sewing stuffed animals and selling them in their tiny penny candy shop, Lollies.

Morris Michtom

Morris suggested to Rose that she sew a nice, fat bear in the cartoon image’s likeness. Rose got to work immediately, taking a piece of plush velvet material and sewing it into the now-familiar shape of a chubby bear, replete with button eyes. Morris labeled the bear “Teddy’s Bear,” and placed it in the storefront window display. It didn’t take long for over a dozen interested customers to approach the Michtoms about purchasing their Teddy Bear.

Teddy’s Bear takes over our hearts

Rumor has it that Morris and Rose wrote to and asked President Roosevelt whether or not they could name a line of stuffed bears in honor of him. President Roosevelt agreed, stating that the use of his name in politically tumultuous times could ever help sell a toy. The newly created Teddy Bears became an instant hit with children and adults across America, and the Michtoms soon found themselves unable to keep up with the growing demand.

An industry (and charity) is born

Morris and Rose’s little company sold millions of Teddy Bears, and eventually became known as the Ideal Toy Company, one of the largest toy companies in the World. Never forgetting the trials they overcame in their lives, Morris and Rose donated enormous amounts of money to the Hebrew Immigrant Aid Society, the Jewish National Fund, and a number of other Jewish charities.

How very interesting that Morris and Rose Michtom, driven to our fine nation by angry and dangerous stereotypes, could create a beautiful (and cuddly) legacy by turning a misunderstood and majestic creature into a beloved childhood treasure for many.

Where is Teddy’s Bear today?

The original Teddy Bear (pictured to the right, ) created by Morris and Rose, was given to President Roosevelt’s grandson Kermit in 1963. One month later, it was put on display at the Smithsonian, where it still resides in perfect condition.

Perhaps the next time you see a Teddy tightly held in the arms of a happy child, you will see a symbol of triumph over adversity, acceptance of our fellow man, and compassion to all.

Celebrations: How to make Teddy Bear Cookies

Pardons as the ultimate ka-ching?

Sept. 8th is National Pardon Day.  Today commemorates our nation’s ideals with regard to political (and perhaps personal) forgiveness.

The very idea that a politician, after the initial shock and let-down we share at discovering their guilt, after having been tried by both the courts (and often the media) before our very eyes, after having been found guilty by both, is then forgiven, or “pardoned” makes many of us cringe.  When the pardon is performed at the last second by our “new” leader (the guilty parties’ replacement) prior to the demanded punishment being carried out, causes many of us to become engulfed in emotional flame. And if you disagree with the political leanings of the new leader providing the pardon, the pain may seem even more egregious.

Some Things Can Never Be Lifted from Us

The burdens of a pardon

Did you know that an official political pardon is not only a lifting of the sentence, but also of the crime itself? Not to rub salt in the wounds of those who feel they have been denied a chance to enjoy public justice of a wrong-doer…  Pardons may also be granted to individuals before they are even found guilty or convicted of a crime.  A little-known fact is that a living person up for pardon must admit guilt in order to receive it, causing the pardon to become a dual-edged sword. Receiving a pardon means you are known to be guilty but forgiven. The pardoned individual resides in a state of limbo, as President Nixon was, publicly known by all to be guilty, yet officially absolved from it. Nixon’s state of guilt resided within his heart and mind, a burden he bore all his life as a personal prison.

The Process of Personal Pardoning

We have all likely “pardoned” someone at least once in our own lives, forgiving our loved ones who transgressed, rather than sticking to our own personal “laws” and punishing them as we would someone less desirable in our lives. The difference may be the personal pain we would feel alongside them, or even the fear that we would lose that individual in our life for having provided the punishment.

In many countries, pardons are offered by leaders to individuals who have committed an offense, yet in other areas of their lives leading up to the event provided a positive or beneficial role to the society in general. We know what they did was wrong, but we also want our children to grow up learning the ideals of forgiveness, as well as the worth of service in balancing the blinded Scales of Justice.

A Short History of the Presidential Pardon

George Washington during the Whiskey Rebellion

In the United States, the power of the Presidential pardon has had issues from the outset, largely due to perceived abuses in early England’s legal system by the royalty.  George Washington provided the very first Presidential pardon, to the leaders of the Whiskey Rebellion. From that day forth, people of various political and/or social leanings have had problems with pretty much every single pardon performed by our leaders, typically stating that the pardon was made due to political expediency, or as a personal favor or payback.

Andrew Johnson pardoned thousands of former Confederates after the Civil War, Jimmy Carter pardoned Vietnam-era draft dodgers, George Bush Sr. pardoned a number of individuals, Bill Clinton pardoned 16 members of FALN, and the list goes on…

Pardoning others helps us to grow

How we feel about pardons also is related to when they occurred. How many of us are angered by George Washington’s or Andrew Johnson’s pardons? With time, the most tumultuous of pardons occurring in the past 20 years will be seen by our descendants with less angry eyes as well.  Our grandchildren just won’t get bothered by the things that once incensed us.

Pardoning as a Reflection on Us

A Presidential pardon is the political world’s answer to our own more personal episodes of forgiveness. And as in our personal lives, the Presidential pardons we agree with tend to be aligned with the Presidents (and/or transgressors) we love(d) and cherish(ed.) It is our emotional tie to the individual that belies our forgiveness of them. It is society’s love of an individual that allows us to forgive them publicly for their transgressions.

May we all, in times of trial, find individuals who will balance our goodness against our mistakes, and find us worthy to forgive and love again.  These wonderful people make it easier for us to look in the mirror, and into the faces of those we come across in life, regardless of our sins.