April 27th is Tell a Story Day. Forever ago, the hunters and gatherers were important to our daily lives, feeding us and keeping us safe — but who owned the nights, as we huddled together for long, dark hours by the fire?  The storytellers had us during those hours, weaving tales that reminded us of past successes and tragedies, heroic deeds and funny stories.  We drew together as we listened and learned, as the storytellers wove us together as a family, and shaped our future…

Some day, you’re going to be called upon to talk in front of an audience.  If you have to do this repeatedly, there’s a good chance you’ll want to add more of yourself into what you say.  Is there a past tragedy or incredibly funny experience that just might add to what you’re sharing?  Is there a person whose story would make him a hero to others, who might uplift the audience to embrace a new concept?

If you are ready to make that next step and add a story to a presentation, or simply have a tale you would love to share with others, then I have a few tips for you…

How to Tell a Damn Good Story

Who cares about your story? Is your story going to be interesting to the people you plan to share it with?  Know your audience, and make sure you aren’t going to offend them or bore them to death.  You might want to share the core of your story with someone who has a lot in common with your audience, and listen to feedback.  Don’t painfully drag your audience down a confusing, thorny path, awkwardly trying to get back on topic afterward.  Ignore this first tip, and plan on losing about half (or more) of your audience.  At least you’ll only be asked to share the story once…

How well do you know the details? Write down your basic storyline, and memorize the heck out of it.  Pay particular attention to the impact-ful scenes, subjects, places, and words – the ones that make your story so interesting.  Leaving any of these out could cause you to lose some of your audience – people can sense when interesting parts are left out of a good story.

Get your back into it! Actually, get your whole body into your story.  Don’t be afraid to stand up, move your arms and legs, gesture with your hands.  Jump up and down, dance or whatever it takes to physically show major actions related to the story.  Sure, you may look like an idiot – but people will remember your story – and therefore you…

Let your face give it away. People react almost instinctively to what they see on other people’s faces, so make sure you’re extremely expressive with your mouth and eyes.  Overdo the anger with a big ol’ frown, look very wide eyed to show the fright of someone in your story, or dart your eyes to and fro when searching for something.  This doesn’t just work with kids – adults eat this stuff up too.

Speak up! And down! Use your voice to its fullest.  Talk loud enough for the people in the back of the room to hear (unless microphone provided.)  Enunciate your words and don’t speak too rapidly – we all speak faster than we ought to when public speaking.  Change the range of your voice as needed to ensure that people hear the “voices” of all of the characters in your story.  Successful audio book readers have mastered the art of creating multiple characters while reading an entire novel out loud, without having to change their voice too much for each character.

It ain’t funny unless it’s over the top. It’s okay to exaggerate the story, especially if it’s a story you made up.  We all have interesting tales to tell – and the older we get the more likely we’ve seen it all.  Turn your nagging mother into the Goddess of Guilt, and you’ll hook your audience.

Gently release them back into the water. Make sure that you have a natural transition from your story back into your topic of discussion – get a good statement together that brings your audience back on topic, and makes sure they understand why you told your story.  Sometimes you have to hit them over the head with it, but make this transition feel as natural as you can.

The storytellers of old were considered incredibly valuable to the tribe, not so much because of their stories as much as how they told them.   I hope you take these tips to heart, tell the stories you need to tell with reckless abandon, and draw those listening closer to you, too…

May 30th is I Am In Control Day, meant to remind us to take inventory of those things we are in control of (and perhaps those things we are not.)

No matter how much our outfits are cinched down with belts and buckles, no matter how much hair spray we use to control every curl or cowlick, we are human, and therefore full of loose ends.  We all have breakdowns, and sometimes find ourselves saying something in an emotional state that we soon regretted.

Here are five techniques to use the next time you feel your hackles rising up, your fangs coming out, or your claws breaking the skin…

Breathe

I know, I know.  This sounds about as basic as advice can get, but simply walk away from the situation and stop somewhere else.  Breathe in as slowly as you can, while focusing on each breath going in and out.  Listen to the sound of the air escaping, as your outgoing breaths go out as slowly as you can stand.  Give this a couple of minutes, to at least slow your heart rate and lower your blood pressure.

Do something different

Breathing alone won’t cut it, my friend.  Don’t stand around and wait for your emotional state to pass – it might actually get worse!  Keep walking to a pretty location, or sit down alone and close your eyes as you imagine ways (even impossible or humorous ways) the situation could be resolved.  In your mind or on a pad and paper, perform a complex intellectual activity that involves as much of your mind as possible.  Draw an elaborate structure or maze.  Mentally stack small stones to make a wall between you and your problems.

I’m not saying ignore your emotions or the situation that caused them.  Simply add additional stimuli to your environment, to your body, so your emotions aren’t the only game in town.  You may end up mentally reset, to re-tackle the problem later.

Look off into the horizon

Don’t forget that what you’re feeling right this second, is only a passing moment in your whole life, one of many emotional roller-coasters you’ve ridden on.  And survived, albeit bumped and bruised.  Think about how you felt when past issues were resolved.  You are over these long-ago issues, and no matter how bad it seems now, you will not be stuck in this state in the near future.

Watch others

See how your coworkers, family or friends deal with their own emotional states, especially if they’re going through the same thing you are.  Talk to them about how you feel, that you have noticed how calm they remained.  Make mental notes on what thoughts they hold that run counter to your concerns, in what way they perceive the situation differently than you.  You just might help them out as well, by allowing them to talk about the situation!

Know thyself

Take some time as soon as you can to examine your emotional tides.  When, where, and around whom are you most moody?  Take some time to figure out precisely what you are feeling or thinking when the emotions struck you so strongly.  Were you experiencing joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger or anticipation?  Why? This is a time to be completely honest with yourself, so you can learn to work through or simply avoid these situations or people.

I must apologize ahead of time for Nicholas Cage.  Someone needs to…

I do hope you find these techniques helpful.  If you have other special methods of controlling your emotions, please feel free to share them with us in the comments section!

“If somebody tells you how to look, there can be seen in the smoke great, magnificent shapes, castles and kingdoms, and maybe they can be yours.”  ~ Jimmy Breslin

March 29th is Smoke and Mirrors Day, a day to think about the grand illusions we’ve either enjoyed watching, or have painfully fallen for during our lifetime.  We’ve all fallen prey to someone trying to get us to see something that wasn’t really there.  The offer of an underserved or easily obtained ticket to grandeur, wealth or prestige.  Eventually, the promises fail to appear, and like ripping off a particularly sticky bandaid, the curtain in Oz is pulled off to reveal the painful reality.

It’s pretty harsh to discover you’ve been lied to, or “taken” financially.  Loss of wasted time and effort is also hard to swallow, isn’t it?  Are we angrier at the person who gave us the beautiful illusion, or simply at ourselves for our own desires, our human weaknesses, for wanting it so badly to be true?

“The ability to create the illusion of power, to use mirrors and blue smoke, is one found in unusual people.”  ~ Jimmy Breslin

Professional liars and con artists are good at what they do.  Smoke and mirrors were (and still are) employed by magicians to redirect the attentions of the audience.  The concept still stands true today with political or business charlatans.  They employ powerfully rich language along with desirable yet false advertisement to solicit an emotional response to what they offer.  They know what we want, and seek to lower our mental defenses, to empower the Devil on one shoulder to drown out the voice of the Angel on the other.

It takes a particularly calm and lovely snake to draw in the trained and experienced zoo keeper, just close enough, to bite him…

Avoiding Smoke and Mirrors

How do we avoid such situations in the future?  How do we see through the tricks specially designed to baffle our defenses, to nullify our intuition?

The Eyes –  I know this is an obvious one, but simply look into a person’s eyes when you are talking with them.  Do they return eye contact with you, or do they avoid it, darting to and fro?  The inability to look into your eyes may show a latent desire to keep you from virtually probing their thoughts.

The Hands – What are they doing with their hands while talking with you or others about the product or service? Our caveman instincts are to hide our “weapons” from our foes, and the hiding of hands in pockets is yet another latent sign of a desire to hide something.  Are they moving their hands a lot, or touching their face?  Pay particular attention to this, as hand movement is an instinctual defensive maneuver, and could be used to distract your thoughts during the conversation.

The Voice –  Does their voice falter when they talk, are do they talk in halting tones?  Do they swallow a lot?  Fear of being caught lying can hit even the best con artist, depending on the value of a “target” he or she is talking to.

The Responses –  Do their stories tend to lack obvious and valuable details, or do you have to pull teeth to get details?  Do their replies end often without actually answering your questions?  Do they change the subject often?  Are they only comfortable with canned answers?  If you feel they cannot talk from their heart and in a manner to educate you and make you feel comfortable, it’s likely time to move on…

The next time you are offered an unbelievable deal, with incredible returns and exciting (yet shallow) details, take a breath, try to remove your desires for assured success, and begin probing the scene for both smoke and mirrors.  Yes, you are special, and yes you deserve a break in life.  Just don’t fall for the belief that someone is going to give it to you…

Do you have any sad smoke and mirror stories to share?  Please use the comments section to tell us about it!

March 15th is Everything You Know is Wrong Day. It is a reminder that we ought to take the time to suck in new information as it arrives (especially these days,) and embrace when we discover what we “know” is downright WRONG, either due to previous mis-education or simply because technology keeps changing everything. It’s time to make sure we stay entrenched as a member of the most intelligent species on Planet Earth.

Changes, changes…

How many times have you sat back and heard your grandparents tell stories of the way things used to be? Of how all of the magic surrounding us emerged on the scene? I’ve often stopped and imagined how much of my grandparent’s world has changed, moved on, or been cast aside. Relativity. Space flight. Geosynchronous orbit. Nuclear power. Social upheaval and social media. Microwave ovens. Cable television. DNA sequencing. Genetically modified foods. Weather forecasting. Charlie Sheen.

So much of what we all used to “know,” what we considered to be fact, what we relied on in our daily decisions has become broken crockery by the roadside.

What we know has changed…

It seems that almost every year there is an advance made somewhere that affects a technology everywhere. Using computers and internet databases, historians have been able to draw from mountains of data to paint far more accurate (and humanizing) life accounts of notable figures from our past.

Ancient and severely damaged documents such as the Dead Sea Scrolls, long abandoned as illegible, have been re-assembled and digitally enhanced to provide a more complete (and sometimes confusing) picture of our great faiths. Disparate technologies are being brought together by brilliant minds to create almost magical things, such as organic digital storage, self-lighting walls, holographic newscasts, flying cars and the Victoria’s Secret “Body by Victoria” Bra.

We’ll have our turn…

If you think your grandparents have been getting a little lost trying to keep up with things in the last 20 years or so, wait to see what happens in the next 20 years! In almost every aspect of our lives, what we as individuals or a society thought was crystal-clear has been shown to be fuzzy at best. Everything we thought we knew, what we hold near and dear, is being questioned. We’re discovering everything we think just might be wrong.

Social Media as impetus for inner change

Twitter is unlearning me. I click on the links provided to me from individuals from a variety of backgrounds and interests, and am exposed to the news they feel might be of interest to all. I read articles and papers from psychological, agricultural, astronomical, historical and even mathematical journals, just to name a few. Because of the wonderful hyperlinks steadily moving under my eye, I’ve found that there’s been an awful lot of incorrect information jangling around in my brain. I’m removing what is out-dated, and painting a new picture of the World around me as I go.

Did you know….

• Sailors in Columbus’ day already knew the Earth was a globe.
• We actually use 100% of our brain’s capabilities.
• The Pilgrims of Plymouth never wore black, tall hats or buckled shoes.
• Hair and fingernails do not grow after we die.
• Abner Doubleday did not invent Baseball.
• Napoleon Bonaparte was a man of average height.
• Humpty Dumpty is never referenced in the story as being an egg.
• Cracking your knuckles does not cause arthritis or other inflammatory conditions.
• A bull cannot see the color red.
• The Roman Catholic concept of the Immaculate Conception does not refer to Jesus himself.
• Sugar doesn’t make a kid act more hyperactive.
• The “Coriolis Effect” does not determine the direction of your toilet’s water flow.
• Nobody knows what the original forbidden fruit was.
• The term “theory” does not, nor has it ever when used in Science, insinuate doubt in the veracity of the concept.
• One tongue from the next is not the same with regard to taste, or which “zone” tastes what.
• Thomas Edison did not invent the light bulb.
• Shaving does not cause our hair to grow back either thicker or more dark.
• Henry Ford did not invent either the automobile or the assembly line.
• Being out in the cold does not increase your chances of catching one.
• All bats have eyes and are capable of sight.

Confused? Pissed?

I chose the above because many of us (including myself at one time) held an opposing viewpoint, until proven otherwise. I could cite for the reader all of the underlying sources disproving these popular notions, but figured the information is readily available for anyone really interested in it.

The Singularity

Because the pulling together of so much information has caused (and continues to cause) such sweeping change everywhere, some suggest that we’re rapidly approaching a Singularity — a period of time scientifically when our knowledge level and abilities, whether through integrated discovery or technological convergence, begin to explode around us. How could such a thing happen?

We are an incredibly intelligent species; however, our brain power is only so limited. Which is why we find supercomputers to be of such great help in accomplishing complicated tasks. We continue to make great strides in artificial intelligence, and it is only a matter of time before we begin to be able to more fully converse our needs to the computers, letting them do the heavy lifting in unison for the rest of us.

Socializing Supercomputers

We currently share our scientific and sociological discoveries by reading about them or attending lectures, by purchasing licensing rights and making agreements over days, weeks or months. What if one day our working computers talked real-time amongst themselves, sharing all emerging technological advances in all areas from around the Globe, computing in micro-seconds the usefulness of all that is known thus far? When this happens, will we be able to keep up?

My list of bulleted items above were based on long-held beliefs and myths held for great periods of time by large groups of people due to misinformation or misconception. I wonder, when we reach that apex of advancement and a technological Singularity finally occurs, will we be adding to that list:

• Humans are not the most intelligent species on Planet Earth.

Until that happens, I will sit back and enjoy the steady flow of info and comraderie I find here… I meant me and you, not the computer…

Samuel began speaking out in support of the working men and women of his day. He quickly became noticed by the Liberal Party, whose local leaders asked him to join.

Known as a voice of the people, Samuel eventually made his way into Parliament, where he continued championing labor issues and people’s rights. It didn’t take long for the plight of the English merchant sailor to arrive at his desk.

The Coffin Ships

They were called “coffin ships,” because so many poor souls had been dying on them as of late, leaving behind widows and orphans and broken families. Typically unseaworthy vessels, these ships were purchased literally from salvage yards (where they awaiting dismantling) by unscrupulous owners who had no intention of repairing them. Sailors who agreed to serve on board these floating wrecks typically knew nothing of the dangers until they were well out at sea. Concerned only with profits, these same ship owners heavily overburdened the ships then insured them against expected losses of cargo.

How seaworthy are you?

Are you trying to hold everything together in your life? Are you finding yourself increasingly trying to hide your cracking edifice from others, as burdens are piled on your shoulders well beyond your ability to stay afloat? We’re surrounded by what feels like a crumbling economy, continued layoffs, political discord being shouted from the rooftops, and natural disasters reminding us of the fragility of what we have. Does it feel like you’re waiting for that final issue to breach your life and sink you? You’re not alone, despite feeling like you are adrift without help…

Stress warning signs

Undue stress leads to not only mental unrest, but also physical symptoms in those suffering from it.   According to FamilyDoctor.org, personal signs that you may have reached (or exceeded limits) in what you can carry in life include:

1. Anxiety
2. Increased aches and pains in one’s back
3. Constipation or diarrhea
4. Depression
5. Fatigue
6. Headaches
7. Insomnia
8. Arguments with your significant other increase
9. Shortness of breath
10. Upset stomach
11. Weight gain or loss

Samuel’s fight for sailor safety

As you fill a ship with cargo, it sinks deeper into the water. Samuel pushed hard against the major shipping magnates, many of whom were also fellow members of Parliament, for increased safety for those sailors manning the ships. He demanded that a maximum cargo burden be determined for each ship, and a numbered line be painted on the hull, for all to plainly see when that upper limit was reached. No ship was to be filled such that this line went underwater.

In 1876, after shouting down the entire Parliament and shaking his fist in the face of the Speaker himself, Samuel Plimsoll managed to get a bill passed to require all ships have a visible line marking its maximum carrying capacity. This line became known as the Plimsoll Line, and today is known simply as the Water Line. Because ships move across waters of varying salinity levels and temperatures, this line can shift up or down, and ship owners are required to keep the changing conditions of their shipping lanes in mind when loading their vessels.

Do you know where your Water Line is?

So what is your personal Water Line? Have you figured it out yet? Do you know what changing stressors in your life can change how much personal load you can handle, and how to deal with them? Whether it is in our personal lives due to spouses, family or children, or at work with coworkers or bad working conditions, we all need to figure out ways to handle what we are given.    Remember that no matter your issues, someone somewhere is handling more than you – not because they are superhuman, but because they likely have developed coping mechanisms or techniques.  You can too…

How to move your personal water line

If you find yourself sinking due to feelings of being over-burdened, here are a few tips that may help you out.

1. Get out a piece of paper and write down your personal burdens.  Then write next to each whether or not you can control them.  Consider whether or not you should keep worrying about those things you can’t control, such as bad weather or a dropping stock market.
2. Order the list of issues from little to big.  Number them, and consider the first little problems on the list.  Tackling this one first will be easy, and provide a feeling of accomplishment that will help you with the others.
3. Take the bigger stressers, such as job interviews upcoming, and write down ways that you can prepare for them.  Use a formal calendar and write in times to prepare as best you can for these events.  Then move on.
4. The most troublesome of worries and stresses you have can be written down on a separate piece of paper, with some space.  Take some time to try and look at these issues from a variety of angles, not just your own.  Ask a friend to help you try and see these issues as challenges and not threats, and to see the value in the changes.
5. If you have issues with coworkers, family or friends, write down ways that you can slowly work toward resolving these conflicts.  Try the easier methods first and keep at it.
6. Talk.  I don’t care if it is a buddy, an uncle or aunt, a co-worker or boss, or a therapist.  Talk.  Social media can be therapeutic as well, as long as you have maintained some semblance of secrecy regarding your identity if the issue is very personal in nature, or you don’t want the issue to get out publicly.
7. Use that same calendar to put in what you are working on, your goals in life, whether it is at home or at work.  Block in time periods.  Learn to say no to others when you see that there are no more open time periods.  And don’t forget to block in times that you will be doing nothing but reading and relaxing.  Might seem odd at first, but pencil in time for a movie or latté.
8. Get a gym membership and actually use it.  Or buy some dumbells and go jogging.  But do it regularly.  Exercise is one of the best ways to relieve stress around.
9. Eat better and regularly.  Don’t skip breakfast, and you will see your energy level increase over the course of the entire day.  Oh, and get a little more sleep, already.  You look tired.  Seriously.
10. Spend some quiet time to simply close your eyes and meditate.  Let your mind wander free, and think about great things happening in your life.  Listen to soft music or sounds of nature CDs.
11. Belong to something outside of work, whether it be sports, a book club, church event or simply a hobby you have been meaning to take up.

Plimsoll Line Day

Today is Plimsoll Line Day, in honor of Samuel Plimsoll’s fight to save countless sailors from sure death.  Ship owners since have been reminded that there are things even more important than the loss of cargo.

It’s important to know your own personal limits, to know the signs of stress, and to figure out how to paint your own personal water line.  Don’t wait for others to fight on your behalf, while looking off into the worrisome, stormy future.  Test the waters, set your limits, and have a safe journey!

The bully

His name was Vincent, one of the very few kids in my school who was actually shorter than me.  Ever since the first grade, I came to settle in with the knowledge that everyone else was likely going to grow taller and stay that way, while I would lag behind in that department.  Despite Vincent’s diminished stature, however, he still managed to make quite a bully out of himself.

Almost every boy in my third grade class feared Vincent, because he had taken the time to threaten, cajole, push or beat up each and every single one of them.  Even the little cadre of friends who followed him to school and back, hanging on his every threatening word during recess, had been forced down a notch or two by the school’s Alpha Male.  The expectation, of course, was that I would, too…

The walking target

I’ve mentioned before that I was a military brat, having moved from place to place almost every 2 years during my early youth, working rapidly to make friends wherever we went.  I learned early on to be open and talkative, expressive and honest in my dealings with others, so that they could quickly come to know my nature and accept me.  Vincent was a rarity for me, in that he saw my nature as weakness, zeroing in on me within days of my arrival at “his” school.

Because Vincent and his posse were without fail late for school on most days, my walk to school was quiet and carefree.  I often whistled while I pulled my shoulders up to support my backpack, palms and fingers flat and in my pant pockets.  I even managed to remain unmolested during the school day, as the swing sets and monkey bars were not places for bullies.  It was my long journey home alone, however, that caused our paths to cross…

The build-up

It was Fall, and my thick jacket padded my left shoulder against the glancing blow, a hard push forward from behind, shoving me a few steps forward, my backpack lifting away from then thudding again against my back.  ”Hey, Stupid,” I heard from behind me, soft snickers from those around Vincent.  My heart immediately raced, fight-or-flight taking over my mind, as I quickly moved off the sidewalk onto the grass of an unknown yard.

Vincent and his friends cawed aloud, faces pointed to the sky, mouths wide open and eyes tightly shut, bellowing as though to scare the clouds into parting and thusly allowing their laughter to fill the very sky.   They walked by with hardly a sideways glance at me, stomping in their heavy boots on the way to find their next victim.

Over the next few weeks, things steadily worsened, as Vincent continued his almost daily onslaught.  Insult after insult were hurled at me, as he faced me down practically nose to nose, daring a response.  I figured that as long as I kept my mouth shut and stood there, Vincent would eventually consider me broken, and move on.  Another thought that kept me from fighting was the face of my mother in my mind.  She had long before threatened me with a near-death experience if she ever found out I had gotten into a fight.  You see, I feared her much, much more than Vincent…

Today is I’m Not Going to Take It Anymore Day.  While pondering what distant memory I could dredge up, the story of this trying time in grade-school Purgatory came to mind.  Vincent certainly was not the last person I’ve had to deal with suddenly in my face and causing me consternation.  And he won’t be the last.  We all have to deal with people who not only rub us the wrong way, but out-and-out try to bring us down.

Whether it be in our family life, in the office or even our place of worship, we will always come across the one person who seems to have made us their personal enemy for life.  We can simply roll over in our dealings with that person, and let them steamroll everyone around (and us,) or learn to stand up for ourselves.

LEARNING TO STAND YOUR GROUND

1. Make the decision –  You have got to make sure you are ready to do all that it takes to take on a bully, have thought it through, and are ready to tackle whatever comes.  Create an imaginary line in your mind and put yourself well past it.  Slam that door behind you and throw away the key.
2. Body language – The next time you are around the bully, make sure that you maintain a straight, upright posture.  At first, you will have to consciously force yourself to keep your chin up and to look around, making eye contact with all, including the bullying personality.  Rather than drawing inward into a safe boundary, use up and own every inch of space around you, marking your “bubble” as yours.  Eventually this will become more of a habit, and will let everyone know that you are happy and comfortable, confident where you are, afraid of nothing and nobody there.
3. Own what you say – When you are talking to others, and especially in the presence of the bully, say what is on your mind in a reasonable tone, using words that make your statements your own.  ”I” statements, such as “I don’t agree,” or “That is what I wanted,” will project a measure of confidence to everyone within earshot.  In the presence of your bully, try to avoid apologetic statements to others, as they weaken you further in their eyes.  Save apologies to others for when your bully is not around.
4. Speak up for others – If you are finally tired of being bullied, don’t you think others are too? As long as your antagonist gets away with bothering others, it will likely not stop for you either, and the environment will be uncomfortable anyway.  Sometimes it’s easier to stand up for others than it is ourselves.  Carefully respond when you see bullying happening, but definitely make it known that you are no longer going to put up with others being wronged in your presence.  Just realize that once you open the door, you can’t close it…
5. Listen then get your turn – When you finally do confront your antagonizer, make sure to take the time to hear them out.  Let them get all of their verbal tension out in the open.  When it is your turn, it is typical for an overtly aggressive person to interrupt you often, so expect it.  With a firm voice, remind the other person that you let them have their say, and you want time to have yours, too.
6. Throw them off – A bully expects you to be nervous, afraid, to back up based on their body language.  Fight the urge to feel any of this, or to respond in that manner.  Smile ever so comfortably.  Stand your ground.  Nod happily hello to people as they nervously pass the situation.  Make a lot of eye contact, appearing as much as possible to the bully as though you were perfectly calm and cool.  Your new-found cheerfulness and ease will be entirely unsettling to a bully.  Any level of discomfort is a loss of control to a bully, and you will soon appear to the hunter as not-so-desirable prey.
7. Be consistent - When you find the levers that work to keep a bully away, ensure you are consistent with those behaviors around them.  Be strong and firm, knowing that any castle must maintain its walls for proper defense.  The next time the office or schoolyard bully looks for a victim to blow off steam against, they’ll see you and move on.
8. Don’t get physical – Your bully, seeing that the normal course of events no longer gets the result, may consider moving things to a physical level.  Avoid this as much as possible, remembering that you can later bring up threatened physical confrontations to the higher-ups, whatever environment you are in.  Absolutely defend yourself if physically attacked.

The breaking point

I don’t know what happened, but one day I’d just had enough.  From a distance, I could hear Vincent and his cohorts stomping up the sidewalk from behind.  I slowed down, purposefully, and shifted my backpack to a single shoulder, my right arm free.  As they drew closer, I could hear hushed whispers of “Vincent, look who’s here.”  I steeled myself for what I felt I must do next.

As Vincent drew up to me, I moved almost imperceptibly to the right-side of the sidewalk, so Vincent would have to approach me from the left, where my hand was clutching the strap of the backpack tightly.  When I felt the hand on my shoulder, pulling me around, my right hand moved into a firm, tight fist.

I can recount every split second of that moment, as Vincent pulled me around to insult me further.  My right elbow drew back, and my fist lauched up and right into the point of Vincent’s short, stubby nose.  As Vincent’s head shot back, my right leg planted firmly on the sidewalk, my eyes meeting the first of his friends, his eyes wide with surprise.

“Who’s next?,” I asked calmly and quietly, the backpack slowly sliding off my shoulder to the ground with a marked thud.  I’m not sure if it was my confidence, the shock and awe of the loud and square hit, or the fact that Vincent began loudly braying like a donkey that made them run, but they all did, including Vincent, stumbling and crying loudly over his shoulder that he was going to get his big brother.  I don’t think I ever saw so much blood spurt out of such a little nose, drops on the sidewalk dotting Vincent’s rapid escape route.

Not wanting to see what would happen if Vincent’s big brother threats proved true, I picked up my backpack and high-tailed it back home, a smile on my face.  My mother never knew about the fight, and Vincent’s “big brother” never confronted me.  Neither did Vincent, ever, again.

I’m older and wiser now, and know that violence is no way to solve an issue.  I work hard to avoid physical confrontation, and see myself as a civilized person.  But I can’t help cracking a little smile whenever I think of the day I stood my ground and decided I wasn’t going to take it anymore…

When I put the colorful box down at the checkstand in the local supermarket, the cashier gave me a sideways glance, one eyebrow ever so slightly raised.  I’m not a Mexican Catholic; I’m Portuguese, very white, and very Jewish.  As the Rosca de los Reyes (Ring of the Kings) was rung up, I wondered how my fiancée’s mother would react to seeing me delivering it to their home….

Twelfth Night

Tonight is Twelfth Night, a tradition going as far back as the Middle Ages, with varying forms of observance all over Europe, South America and Mexico.  It is the formal ending of a span of time beginning on All Hallows Eve, commemorating the Fall harvest, and the full onset of Winter.   As this once-pagan holiday moved to more traditionally Catholic countries, religious overtones were given to this time, to include the birth of Jesus,  twelve days of Christmas tradition, and the commemoration of the arrival of the 3 Magii to help announce to the world that a child is born, and ending with the onset of Epiphany.

Hiding Away Childhood Memories

I am not looking forward to putting away the trappings of the Holiday season.  It’s quite a somber ordeal, removing all of the colorful, bright ornaments from the tree, the ribbons and bows.  Then comes putting away the tree itself, the stockings, candles, throws, pillows and decor.  And let us not forget the Hanukkah stuff!  Wistful, happy memories will be taken down and boxed up, hidden from sight once more, as our family once again faces another year of possibilities (and hidden challenges) ahead.

Rosca de los Reyes

When I arrived at my fiancée’s parents’ house with the box of the ring-shaped multi-colored bread, Nadira gave me a funny glance, a slow grin spreading from ear to ear, glancing over at her mother, as she announced that I had brought something.  Her mother was both surprised and happy to see the box, asking if we were planning to come over on the 6th to celebrate.  Of course we would, I replied.  I suppose it seemed odd, to have a Jew bringing home a bread ring to commemorate a Christian holiday.  I believe in supporting the beliefs and culture of Nadira’s family, as they are a growing part of who I am, too.  It may be a difficult balance, but both Nadira and her family are worth walking that path.

Twelfth Night and Twelfth Day

In keeping with the ancient (and Jewish) tradition of nightfall coming before day (as opposed to modern thought of day coming before night,)  Twelfth Night precedes Twelfth Day, which is celebrated Jan 6th until Midnight in many cultures.  In the Middle Ages, as part of the celebration, a bean and a pea were baked into rings of sweet bread.  The bread was then cut up and eaten by the celebrants.  Whoever found the bean was crowned King, and the new owner of the pea was their Queen for a day, overseeing the day’s revelries.

Long ago, the bean and pea in the bread rings were replaced with little statuettes of or trinkets relating to the baby Jesus.  The hiding of the object in the bread signifies the flight of Joseph and Mary from King Herod’s dictates.  The name of the bread itself, Rosca de los Reyes, or Ring of the Kings, commemorates the three kings who welcomed Jesus into the world.  Traditionally, the child that discovers the statue is to keep it and take it to church on Feb. 2nd, the Dia de la Candelaria, or Day of the Candles, otherwise known as Candlemas.  I am sure that there will be an equally fun and meaningful tradition to be found in the events occurring with Nadira’s family.  There usually is.

In Europe until its practice was banished in the 1500s by Queen Mary I, a Lord of Misrule was appointed, to preside over all of the Christmas celebrations.  All known conventions were to be turned upside down by this person.  The rich were chastened to pretend poverty, men pretended to be women, the young were to think of themselves as juvenile once again, all in jest and holiday spirit.  It was as time to experiment with being something other than the lot in life you found yourself in.

Rediscovering my Childhood Memories

I had so much fun ending the year, that I find myself wondering why the rest of the year is not as full of frivolity.  I know I am a pretty easy-going guy, and do enjoy my share of entertainment and laughter.  When did the transition occur, pulling so much of my focus from the bright, shiny, fun objects encountered daily in childhood,  to self-discipline, bills and responsibility?  Just when did I grow up so damn much, and how to I reverse my serious lot in life?

It’s about high time that I became a lord of my own misrule.  It’s past due for me to turn things upside down a bit in my own life, in order to have fun and let more laughter in my days.  I found these eight life choices that I believe can help out quite a bit.

8 Methods to Find the Inner Child

1. Introduce more music into your day – I have begun listening to music far more often than I used to.  I try to have music on often, surrounding me, in the house, when I am cooking, cleaning, or plain relaxing.  Tex-Mex. Cumbia. Country. Rigaton. Hip-Hop. Classic Rock. Alternative. Pop. In the car or when others aren’t around, I’ll even sing out loud.  If you have heard me, my apologies.

2. Reinvigorate (and re-invent) your wardrobe –  I have been letting go when it comes to my wardrobe, but not in a bad way.  I have been allowing myself to be talked into colors, sizes, or cuts in garments I would not normally choose myself.  And guess what? I look pretty good in a lot of them!  Slowly but surely, color is making its way into my side of the closet.

3. Put recess back into your day – I do need to work on this one.  At work, I should take more breaks and go for walks.  I need to get outside more often with the kids and simply play. Climb a tree. Go down a slide. Throw a ball. Run. Collect rocks and leaves and sticks and memories.

4. Play board and video games – I’ve no problem with playing video games, but it tends to be alone.   Childhood so often is about socializing, and I need to take some more time and play the games my kids own with them, even if they kick my behind each and every time.

5. Explore new culinary adventures – I often eat at the same places, because I enjoy the food and atmosphere.  But if I think more like a teenager, I would be trying out strange, new places.  Hole in the wall joints.  Cuisine I cannot pronounce.  I have been quite a bit more adventurous in what I eat lately, thanks to the many dishes Nadira’s family has made (cow head, anyone?)  I’ve also been to a lot more interesting places, but I promise this year to look up and visit places I haven’t yet. So coworkers, beware!

6. Be capricious – I need to learn to be more impulsive.  I should do a better job of looking for opportunities to run away for a little bit of time with my fiancee, if even to the room for an hour.  I should take more chances in life, and be willing to let go of fears and experiment.  The purchase of the Rosca de los Reyes was an example of being capricious…

7. Go on a field trip – I used to love the field trips I went on when I was a child.  The journey there was half of the fun!  We get so stuck in our days working and taking care of things at home, that we forget to take the kids and simply go away for a time.  I am definitely going to have to figure out when we can take the kids up to the mountains or coast, on hikes and picnics.

8. Do some Arts and Crafts – We’ve been pretty good at incorporating artsy/craftsy projects at home.  We cut unique paper snowflakes, made Sculpey clay ornaments, helped the kids learn perspective in drawing, and introduced the girls to colored pencil and charcoal.  There is no shortage of bins full of craft items we could glue, sew, stick, sparkle or hang.  We will definitely have to do more of them!

As we grow up, it is so easy to put away those colorful reminders of our celebrated youth.  Little by little, year by year, we tend to store away happy, young  memories and look forward to our lives ahead.

I’m really looking forward to this year.  Oh sure, there are so many adult things that I believe will get accomplished.  I am also, however, willing to take the time to dig further into the portion that life has provided me, in a renewed search for that hidden, inner child.  I didn’t get to choose how my first childhood went, but that second one, well, that one is all up to me…

A year ago my fiancée and I ushered in the new year at her parents’ house, along a few of her sisters and their children (and grandchildren.)  We had a Wii providing ample entertainment in the kids’ room in the back of the house, and we heard over and over the cheer (and anger) of the boys celebrating and anguishing the victories.  In the living room, Telemundo and Galavision played New Year related shows in Spanish while we enjoyed tamales and molé, chocolate cake trifle and pumpkin rolls.

I’m not sure when the knitting needles came out, but one by one, they made an appearance, as my fiancee, her mother, her sister and finally my oldest daughter began to choose a string from previously hidden bags.  Needles clicked in quiet unison while grandchildren slept, sprawled on couch cushions, and loud boys were shooed to the back room.  Nadira’s father brought in carefully cut pieces of wood to keep the woodstove going, and because of his efforts in part, the house remained cozy all day.

I know, I know… Not exactly most people’s idea of a wild and crazy New Year’s Eve.  But it was our family day, and I enjoyed listening to the English and Spanish flowing through the house, the incredible smells of foods, and the love, everywhere, all around us. Most of all, I enjoyed watching the women knit and share stories, even if I couldn’t even follow, as my Spanish is horrendous.  Every so often, Nadira would translate what was being talked about, throwing me a bone or two so I could pretend I was keeping up.

Mika beamed as the women in the room applauded her efforts on a multi-colored striped scarf she was attempting, loose strings dangling from one side of it.  I felt such a sense of pride so see her interacting with this new family.  Despite repeated efforts to teach Mika an easier method to knit her scarves, she had stuck to her own special way of knitting the threads together, as it was the only way she was comfortable doing so.  The women had come to accept that this was Mika’s way…

Three years ago, after a lifetime of internal suffering and confusion, Mika had been formally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.  This particular form of Autism tends to build a wall of social isolation around those with it, making them socially awkward, indrawn and incredibly shy.  Every day is a struggle for Mika to reach out to others, and we have had our fair share of adventures working through the related issues.  During her youth, Mika had found comfort in the quiet act of knitting, allowing her to keep her nervous hands busy in the company of others.  It had been a few years since Mika had knitted, so it was nice to see her connecting through this means.

As is typical in such a large family, there are many things going on all around, and errands had to be run in support of the day’s events.  I left to pick up my youngest daughter, so she could celebrate with us. Nadira had to go and pick up a few items.  It was during this time, when both I and Nadira were running errands and gone from the house, that the real knitting occurred…

Nadira’s mother, a strongly and openly faithful woman, had invited everyone to retreat to the den, in order to say a prayer of thanks together as a family.  The children were told they could say what they had been thankful for, and what they hoped to achieve next year in their lives.  Knowing this might be stressful to Mika, she was told that she did not have to join in if it made her uncomfortable.  But Mika immediately followed them into the big room, and sat down, listening to each of the kids and adults state one after the other what they were thankful for, and what they hoped lay ahead.

Nadira’s parents are what you might call the salt of the Earth.  They came to this country with only the clothing on their bodies, living literally out of a relative’s old, empty tool shed for the Winter.  Nadira’s mother rolled newspapers and stuffed them into the many holes in the thin wooden walls to keep the winds out.  Nadira’s father hustled daily for any form of work he could get, carpentering, clearing debris, and like so many others who came before him, picking fruits and vegetables in the fields surrounding our towns.  Often, Nadira’s mother joined him in the hard work, as the children slept in the back of their ancient station wagon.

The last decade had to be one of pride for them all, as first Nadira’s parents then she and her sisters obtained their American citizenship.  The sisters all worked hard for and obtained college degrees and teaching certificates.  Nadira’s father went from manual labor in the fields to developing calluses on his large hands in a local packing house, in charge of creating the thousands of boxes used for the fruit, where he works to this day.  He has beautiful hands, telling tales of inner strength and character.

When the round of prayers came to Mika, she was again reminded that she did not have to say something if she was uncomfortable with it.  Before they could skip over her, however, she cleared her throat and began…

While I and Nadira were rushing around town, Mika told the people in the room a story of thankfulness and hope.  She thanked God for having a supportive father in her life, having seen me working so hard to help her through situations.  Everyone nodded in the room and smiled at this.  She stated that she was so thankful for all that she had been able to accomplish this year despite her limitations, and was really looking forward to her future, to what she now knew she could do with her life.

Many in the room were astonished, as Mika stepped out of her condition and continued, much longer than anyone had thought she would.  ”I want to say that I am thankful to God for being a part, for the first time in my life, of a real family, who all care about me so much.”  At this point, Nadira’s mother, a woman who has witnessed such hardship and pain, who has lived much of her adult life in two worlds apart from each other, began to feel the tears, too.  She saw that no matter how hard her life had been, no matter how many walls she had to climb over in dealing with life each and every day, here was a young woman working hard to overcome a mental disability, a permanent edifice working to block her whole life.

One by one, Mika’s impromptu words of thankfulness at the help and acceptance she had been receiving from the people in that very room flowed outward and around them all.  Soft, carefully chosen words threaded their hearts in unison into a beautiful, soft, warm garment of family, knitted together in Mika’s own special way.  As she finished by expressing hope for her future and praying openly that God give her the strength to overcome the many challenges she knew were ahead for her, everyone had been brought to tears.   The one that they had expected to remain silent had spoken for all of them.

When Nadira returned, people were still wiping their eyes, and leaving the den to return to the living room.  It was first of two times Nadira cried that day, the first when she was told what Mika had said about Nadira having stepped into the role of mother so patiently and helpfully, and again when she saw me unable to hold back my emotions as her sister, mother and father told me when I returned.

I thank God for that day, and for Mika having said just what we all needed to hear, after a long, hard, wonderful, love and pain-filled year.  And for knitting us all together beautifully, in one single afternoon, in Mika’s own special way…

Gordias and his knot

In ancient Turkey, in a region known then as Phrygia, they found themselves suddenly without a king. Their royal leader had passed away, leaving no heirs and no relatives to speak of. An oracle stated that the next person to drive an ox-cart into the city through the main gates was destined to become their next king. That man was Gordias, a poor peasant, who was astonished at the news. Bewildered and unsure as to what he should do, he released his ox but tied up the cart to the main gate with a knot made of Cornel bark. This knot was said to be so intricate that nobody could figure out how to untie it. The oracles stated that whosoever could undo the knot would become a great ruler, overseeing all of Asia….

Our own hopeless knots

This is the time of year when we begin thinking of what we have accomplished thus far, and what we want to do over the next 365 days. For the greatest procrastinators amongst us, it is a day full of regrets, as our glances sweep back over the gulf of time we once had this year. We glance furtively at the Gordian Knots still before us, trying to figure out a way to cut through them…

The loosening power of forgiveness

I’ve been thinking a lot about forgiveness today, thanks to a few discussions I’ve been involved with recently. As a Jew, I am more than gently pushed to provide blanket forgiveness for all transgressions of the preceding year during the High Holy Days. But as an American, I also have our standard 12-month calendar to impress on me that I must, yet again, revisit the tying up of loose endings or face the consequences.

With all of the discussions lately regarding New Year’s resolutions, I thought perhaps I should resolve to do something each and every year to see if I can dissolve the tensions I may’ve created or were a part of during the previous 12 months. I’ve decided that with the end of each December, I should take the time to consider my life, ask for forgiveness of others, and to give it freely where needed.

In Aramaic the word “forgive” can be interpreted to mean “to untie the knot.” It’s a good way of thinking about it. Whenever I am undergoing stress at work or in life, my body is all tied up in knots. During stressful times, there are tons of knots in the muscles of my back and neck. My stomach fills with acidic, knotty tension when I am in an argument with others. My tongue gets all tied up when I realize I have done someone wrong, and realize that I must seek forgiveness from them.

How to seek forgiveness

So how does one go about the process of forgiveness? I mean, I only have a few days to work on this, although the process of truly forgiving others could be worked out over the whole of next year…

From WikiHow, I found a variety of things to consider when seeking forgiveness. I’ll list them here, with my own twist…

1. You are only hurting yourself. Think about it. If you are angry with someone else, seething inside over a slight or wrong, are they hurting from your anger? Do they writhe at their desk in agony every time you furrow your brow or the acid churns anew in your stomach as you recount the offense? Nope. You have to come to realize that the anger you have at someone else does nothing to harm them. In fact, while you stew in your juices, the person who slighted you has likely moved on with their own life, quite oblivious to your now over-boiling feelings.
2. Find the silver lining. Yes, you have gone through trying times because of what was done to you. But take some time to also realize how much stronger you are for having gotten through them. Examine carefully to see if there are any good good experiences or practices that might have come to your life from this. Were you more careful with your money, and saved a bundle? Did you pull closer to other people in your life? Sometimes you can find some wonderful silver linings in your life while walking angry pathways. Just don’t stay on them too long!
3. Open your eyes to the angels. take a moment to recount all of the positive, wonderful, giving people who helped you through the most trying times last year. Would you have gotten to know these personal angels as well as you had if it were not for the need to talk and share your angst, to vent and receive their supportive words?
4. Tell the person in the mirror it is okay. You MUST learn to forgive yourself for feeling angry at others, for feeling helpless to resolve the issue or see it coming. You have to forgive yourself for being open enough for others to step on your heart. You HAVE to do this, in order to realize it is okay, so that you can get to the place you were before you were hurt, in order to try again…
5. Remove the acid from the vessel. It’s high time you realized that when you fail to forgive others, you are not moving on from the hurt; rather you are carrying the hurt within you, displacing feelings of kindness and love. Emotionally many of us are limited, fragile vessels. Don’t let that acid build up within you and wear you down. The act of forgiveness causes a release within us, separating us further from the negativity, and healing the vessel within.
6. Shut up already. I know telling others what happened to you is a bit cathartic. I know that others after having heard a bit of the gossip around the office will likely ask you for more details. As enticing as it may seem to go over the juicy details again, stop telling the story to others. Stop being the victim, and take responsibility for what you can do about how you feel in the future.
7. Tell the other story. After you have made the decision to stop recounting your personal tale of woe, take some time to actually put yourself in the shoes of the person who slighted or offended you. Remember that the person you are thinking about is someone’s wife, sister, brother, husband, son or daughter, or friend. Thank about how you might tell “their side” of the story. Are their extenuating circumstances in their life you didn’t take into account? If you don’t know, ask yourself why you don’t know much about your antagonizer… You just might figure out places where you may’ve gone wrong in your response or approach to that person…
8. Derail your mind. It’s time to stop thinking about your hurts, and begin to think about your blessings. Many sage Rabbis have passed down the philosophy of replacing evil with good simply by retraining your mind and through new practices overlaying the old. Kick your angry thoughts off track by beginning to replace your feelings with silent blessings sent out to everyone around you. I know this may feel weird to do, to send a blessing to those around you who seem to want to do you harm, but over time your good notions will cause you to, little by little, stop focusing on the slights and offenses. Increasingly you will see those around you as just people, as fallible and fragile as you, as capable of accidentally offending others as you are…
9. Draw in perspective. People who are outwardly focused on the needs of others tend to feel wronged far less often, are happier, and live longer lives. The more introspective we are during our day, the more focused we are on ourselves, the easier it is to get hurt. Embrace the world around you as much as you can, and get involved in it. This will help you maintain a far broader perspective on life. When you see what is going on in the lives of the people at your workplace, in your family or church, in your community or the World in general, it brings into perspective the little hurts we encounter in our own lives.

Alexander and the Gordian knot

In the year 333 B.C., a young and impatient Alexander the Great entered into the very same gates that Gordias entered, and came across the centuries-old cart tied up to the gate, blocking his large contingent’s passage through. He jumped from horse, and took a look at the gargantuan and complicated Gordian Knot before him. The locals told him the ancient story of how countless individuals had tried to untie the knot to no avail, and of the prophecy regarding the one who came across a solution.

Alexander pulled out his sword, and with one strong swing of his arm, cut the knot in two. As the pieces fell, the townspeople were both shocked and dumbfounded. While some may’ve felt that this solution did not suffice, others likely slapped their foreheads and wondered “Why the heck didn’t I think of that?” Either way, the ancient prophecy was fulfilled, and Alexander went on to become one of history’s greatest (and most tragic) warriors and leaders.

If you work hard at the nine steps above, you are well on your way to forgiving yourself and others. Feel free, when the time is right, to ask for forgiveness from those around you. Your shocked coworkers, friends and family will look up to you for taking the time to try and make things right again, and many will soon seek to forgive you. You will be well on your way to untying that knot yourself…

Written in commemoration of Tick Tock Day.

I am a thief of glances.  I’ll admit it.  I love to make eye contact with people when I am out and about.  It doesn’t matter if I am in the car, at the store, or at work.  If someone is near me and we are facing each other, I look at their face, seeking their eyes.  Should our glances meet, I look away quietly, with what can only be described as a smug sense of satisfaction at having made yet another personal connection.

Not everyone likes my glances; I have made a few people uncomfortable when they notice me looking, as though I have invaded their personal space, as if they saw something there they shouldn’t have seen, or have not allowed themselves to see.  It’s not sexual in nature, those stolen glances.  To me there is something about making eye contact that reminds me that I am not alone in the world – that we are all interconnected, equals, seeking something from each other.

After my very first day of Kindergarten 38 years ago, three little girls followed me as I walked home.  They surreptitiously walked a bit behind me, so I wasn’t really aware they were shadowing me until after I got home.  As a happy-go-lucky 4 1/2 year old, I wouldn’t have noticed them even if they had stomped behind me the whole way.  Their arrival was announced with the repeated ringing of the doorbell, which my father then answered in curiosity.

“Steven kissed me.” Said one of the girls.  ”Me too,” said another.  The accusations continued until all three girls had made my father aware that I had stolen a kiss from each of them that very day.  Apparently, it was wrong to kiss all of the girls I liked.  It’s not like this had been mentioned to me previously; after all, when attending family functions I was encouraged to give all of my aunties a kiss…  I suppose I was just really happy to suddenly be surrounded by girls, and my fervor got away from me…  Either way, my unabashedly wanton ways were out in the open now, after only my first day of school.

After some quiet laughter and a solemn promise to set me straight, my father shut the door and came to my room, where I hid, having heard the angry remonstrations from the girls on the front porch.  ”Don’t kiss any more girls at school,” my father told me, feigning anger in the hopes that I would realize the error of my way.  But a stolen glance at my father as he began to walk away revealed an odd sense of pride behind those steady eyes.

When I was fourteen, my parents divorced, and I moved from a large, open farmhouse we had been renting in Italy to a small apartment above a convenience store.  Along with the requisite foods, cleaning supplies, liquors and personal hygiene items, the owner of the store had a variety of imported toys and candies.  Every penny of my weekly allowance was spent at the store on either Legos or something sweet.

Every day, twice a day as was customary in Italy, the store owner closed shop to enjoy a meal with his family.  One day while playing outside at lunchtime during Summer vacation, a great temptation was revealed to me.  I noticed that the side door to the shop was left open, likely to keep the store from getting too hot inside, while the owner was away at lunch.

I looked around to ensure nobody was watching on that lazy afternoon, then crept over the low balcony, into the store, realizing with wonderment that I was alone, unwatched, with a great deal of time on my side.   My heart raced, pounding in my chest, my eyes darting to and fro for any sign of movement in the low light of drawn shades.  My face was flush, my hands wet with cold sweat, my stomach full of butterflies, as my glance moved toward the Legos and candy….

Over the next few weeks, my Lego collection slowly grew to a collection any young man would envy.  I was careful to hide my new largess from my mother, who would surely have skinned me alive for having carted away box after box without payment.  I built prolific creations, then quickly took them apart again, so as to not arouse attention.  But it was the chocolate eggs that kept bringing me back…

Each Swiss egg was about 4 inches wide, with three layers of chocolate – one white layer sandwiched between two layers of creamy milk chocolate.   Although the chocolate was perfection, what tugged my tortured my soul over and over through that open door (despite alarm bells in my mind to stop,) was what was inside each and every egg, behind that smooth, chocolaty skin.

Miniature books.  Tiny card decks. Forty piece miniature model planes, cars or ships.  Coins.  Metal soldiers.  To this day, I want to find the person who determined what went into these eggs and personally thank them for their ingenuity, for their obvious open pathway into the mind of a young boy still recovering from his life having been turned upside down.  I gleefully built each model, played with each toy soldier, squirreled away (and to this day still have) the miniature cards.  The chocolate, to me, was the sweetest I had ever tasted, rich with the flavors of plunder.

I suppose my need to steal glances and those chocolate eggs are linked, huh?  I mean, when we as adults are out and about in public, we are not so happy-go-lucky as we were in grade school.  We are quiet, unassuming, our expressions largely held in check.  When I make eye contact with strangers, I wonder if I am trying to see that which is hidden under the surface, what surprises lurk within, under the smooth skin.  Who are forty-piece models, each part intricate and fragile, held together beautifully on display?  Who are the many-chaptered books with fine print, difficult to understand but worth the read?  Who are the cold metal coins, aging gracefully but easily pocketed away? Who are the fun decks of cards, shuffling through life one game after another?  And who are the metal soldiers, whose eyes decry a hard life led, moving forward in that daily battle?

My father, were he still alive today, would likely tell me I should keep my eyes to myself, that living my own life is enough, to not have to try and figure out the lives of others as well.  But I’d also like to think that even as he told me this, he would smile a bit, proud in the knowledge that he raised a fine thief of glances, kisses and chocolates.

Written in commemoration of National Chocolate Day.