By now, you’ve all heard about the earth-wide movement (or lack thereof) that occurred yesterday, known as Boobquake.  Boobquake was begun by blogger Jennifer McCreight, in response to Islamic Cleric Hojatoleslam Kaze Sedighi, who publicly stated that recent devastating earthquakes were due to women exposing an excess of cleavage.

McCreight urged women everywhere to come together on April 26th to voice their opposition to this blame-game, by wearing low-cut blouses to the workplace and about town.  If there was no measurable increase in seismic activity due to the thousands of newly-opened blouse buttons across the World, perhaps people like the cleric would simply give it a rest, already.

Did Boobquake prove its theory?

One estimate is that over 200,000 women took part in the social experiment, in a fine attempt to prove Sedighi wrong.  The result?  According to the U. S. Geologic Survey, there was no greater instance of movement about the earth’s tectonic plates yesterday, although there may’ve been a number more auto accidents due to the increased gawking.

Did Jennifer McCreight (photo to the right – and a host of well-endowed women) prove, once and for all, that there are no direct correlations between the confident display of feminine sexuality and ongoing natural disasters?  Have we completely squashed the cleric’s argument?  I’m not so sure…

What about the flip side of sexuality-temblor interrelations?  What would happen if millions of the opposite sex were absolutely, completely, turned off sexually for the day?  Would the planet Earth, for one grand 24-hour period, take a respite from the shaking and quaking, flooding and thunder, fire and famine?  Would we all, for a time, enjoy an unprecedented level of symbiotic unison with Mother Nature?

What else could be done…

This is where the men of the World have their chance to also contribute to Jennifer’s unique social experiment.  We men can completely quell the sex-as-disaster-maker theory, as bandied about by Cleric Sedighi.  (Apparently it’s not enough to simply remind Sedighi that modest-dressing Iran has one of the most geologically active regions on the globe….)

We have to do more to knock Sedighi’s argument into the dust.  We have to absolutely break it apart and drive it to dust at our feet.  To the men of the World, I give you that opportunity.  I give you TubeQuake…

What is TubeQuake?

TubeQuake is a fairly easy concept, guys.  On July 15th, 2010, I am calling upon all men, in each nation, of each color and creed, each faith and persuasion, to wear the abhorrent equivalent of fashion birth control.  That’s right, I’m talking about proudly displaying, for all the lovely ladies to see, the traditional knee-length white cotton tube sock.  Sporty stripes are optional.

Regardless of what else you are required to wear that day, whether it be a 3-piece tailored black suit, shorts, jeans, coveralls, or what-have-you, complement it with your very own bright, white tube socks.  The newer the better, so as to draw undesired attention to them (and hopefully bring us one step closer to natural tranquility.)

Will the feminine stomach-lurching, eye-rolling and laughing reactions to this proud display of I-don’t-care-what-looks-good Manhood-gone-awry bring temporary peace to our World?  Will each guffaw, each sprayed-out glass of wine in the restaurants you visit bring our planet one step closer to healing itself?

Join me on July 15th.  Please let your boyfriends, husbands, brothers, fathers, cousins, nephews, friends and bromances know about TubeQuake.  Let’s grow this to 1 Million strong, and help completely prove that Jennifer was absolutely right…

Steve Woods

Join the TubeQuake Facebook fan page.

For Pete’s Sake Day

Today is For Pete’s Sake Day, a commemoration of those verbal replacement players we call in during times of extreme anger, stress or pain, so as to not cause Grandma Lorraine, quietly watching Golden Girls in the next room, to spray her chamomile tea all over the sofa.  We all have our perennial favorites — Criminy, Dagnabbit, Doggone, Gadzooks, Jeepers Creepers, Judas Priest, and Tarnation, to name a few.

It’s always amazing to me, how a split second after slamming a hammer on our thumb our minds can register the presence of others, and instantly rein in that primeval desire to shout obscenities aloud like the foulest of sailors.

Explanation and Origin

To those who care about terminology, they are officially known as minced oaths, introduced into our vernacular during the Middle Ages, when the Church monitored the language and actions of the common folk, and were quick to punish any offenses.  Commonly used euphemisms launched at God or Jesus in times of anger and stress had to be glossed over and reworked to avoid such punishments.

Later, as things religiously loosened up, minced oaths became personally chosen alternatives for those who wanted to maintain an air of greater dignity about them, even in times of agony.

Fun Examples of Minced Oaths

Here are 77 ways to cuss out loud without actually cursing, along with what was meant, courtesy of Phrases.Org, with some censoring done by me (Hey, this is a family blog…).

77 Minced Oaths

Begorrah –> By God
Bejabbers –> By Jesus
Bleeding heck –> Bloody Hell
Blimey –> Blind me
Blinking heck –> Bloody Hell
By George –> By God
By golly –> By God’s body
By gosh –> By God
By gum –> By God
By Jove –> By God
Cheese and Rice –> Jesus Christ
Chrissakes –> For Christ’s sake
Christmas –> Christ
Cor blimey –> God blind me
Crikey –> Christ
Criminy –> Christ
Cripes –> Christ
Crivvens –> Christ defend us
Dad gum –> God d*mn
Dagnabbit –> God d*mn it
Dagnammit –> God d*mn it
Dang –> D*mn
Dangnabbit –> God d*mn it
Dangnation –> D*mnation
Darn –> D*mn
Darnation –> D*mnation
Doggone –> God d*mn
Drat –> God rot it
Egad –> A God
Figs –> F*ck
Fink –> F*ck
Flaming heck –> F*cking Hell
Flipping heck –> F*cking Hell
For crying out loud –> For Christ’s sake
For Pete’s sake –> For St. Peter’s sake
For the love of Mike –> For St. Michael’s sake
Freaking –> f*cking
Gadzooks –> God’s hooks
Gat Dangit –> God d*mn it
Gee –> Jesus
Gee whizz –> Jesus
Gee willikers –> Jesus
Godfrey Daniel –> God
Golly Gee willikers –> Jesus
Good garden party –> Good God
Good grief –> Good God
Goodness gracious –> Good God
Gorblimey –> God blind me
Gosh –> God
Gosh darned –> God d*mned
Heck –> Hell
Holy spit –> Holy sh*t
Jason Crisp –> Jesus Christ
Jebus –> Jesus
Jeepers Creepers –> Jesus Christ
Jeez –> Jesus
Jeezy Creezy –> Jesus Christ
Jehosaphat –> Jesus
Jiminy Christmas –> Jesus Christ
Jiminy Cricket –> Jesus Christ
Judas Priest –> Jesus Christ
Land sakes –> For the Lord’s sake
Lawks a mercy –> Lord have mercy
My goodness –> My God
My gosh –> My God
Odds-bodkins –> God’s sweet body
Sacré bleu –> Sang de Dieu (God’s blood)
Sam Hill –> Hell
Shoot –> sh*t
Shucks –> sh*t
Strewth –> God’s Truth
Suffering succotash –> Suffering Saviour
Sugar –> sh*t
Tarnation –> D*mnation
What in Sam Hill? –> What in d*mn Hell?
Wish to goodness –> Wish to God
Zounds –> God’s wounds

Phew.  Glad I got that out.  Why use minced oaths in our daily lives?  Well, chamomile is hard enough to get out of the chintz without Grandma staring us down in disgust.  And then for most of us there’s the worry about the blunt and instantaneous anger of Mom and Dad, or the feared disapproval of our Aunts and Uncles.  How about around co-workers or the boss?  And nobody wants to be excommunicated after an outburst brought on by slamming our head on the low door frame at our local Church, either.

The Proximity of Caring

Distance.  Perhaps that is what minced oaths are all about.  Whether due to geography, ages or emotional bonding, the closer people are to us, the more proximate to our daily lives, the more we care about what they may think about what we do or say.  While I held my emerging sailor mouth in check around Uncle David and Aunt Debbie, I explored the profound and resilient usage of the F-bomb while playing in the back yard with my brothers and cousins.  While our bosses believe we have a clean mouth, that guy in the next cubicle over, who heard when we spilled our coffee all over last month’s project, likely knows better…

Suffering in Silence

I moved into an apartment almost 3 years ago, along with my two daughters.  My oldest got the room next to mine, built-in cabinets providing her with gobs of storage space.  Wanting to help sort things into these same cabinets, I opened them all, small wooden doors gaping into the room, as I knelt over her innumerable collectibles on the carpet below.

Hearing my daughter bring a number of boxes up the stairs into my room, I wanted to make sure they were being put in a place I could get to easily, so I dropped what I was doing and stood up rapidly.  My forehead met, with enormous impact, the bottom corner of one of the doors I had opened not five minutes earlier.

If you bang your skull just right, you actually can see stars.  I know, because they danced through the sheer pain in my head as I fell to the floor in a fetal position, wanting to scream out creative variations of every obscenity I had ever learned, but not doing so because my children were in in the next rooms.  I lie there, gritting my teeth to the point of cracking them, feeling warm blood trickle between my fingers, as I held my head (and fortunately, my tongue…)

The Proximity of Social Media

I’ve been doing a great deal of blocking lately in Twitter, and have had to remove certain individuals from my friendships in Facebook from time to time.  It’s been for a variety of reasons, such as being insulting to others, or exhibiting small-minded or bigoted behaviors.   When I see it, I don’t entertain it any longer, and am always left wondering how someone can treat relative strangers in such offensive ways.

I believe it’s got a lot to do with the unique feeling of distance in social media, in all facets – geographically, due to to a large user age range, and an overall lack of emotional intimacy.  We’ve all had our share of young idiots who storm into Twitter and see just how many people they can tick off before their account gets disabled from the angry feedback.  We navigate Facebook alongside people whose language is less-than-guarded more often than needed.

Is the problem of how we talk to each other in social media due to not really seeing each other?  Is it because we don’t really spend time, physically, in each other’s presences?  If the loss of civility in social media is due to not having social cues similar to those in real lives, then how do we create replacement signals to use in our own personal experiences online?  Please let me know, as I’m open to suggestions in the comments section, and plan to write about social media intimacy and personal boundaries in the near future…

I’m sure by now you’ve read the story about how a bunch of people on January 20th of this year agreed to go to work without their pants.  I’m not going to actually suggest you bring on the Full Monty this time around.  Rather, I thought this would be a good time to discuss exposing yourself emotionally and professionally.  I’m talking about honesty.

We spend our workdays adrift in a sea of financial uncertainty, often leaving our very financial futures in the hands of a cast of varied characters assembled by our higher-ups.  Where we work is often little more than an organized group of competing, individualistic, and emergingly symbiotic relationships.  That’s a fancy way of saying it’s dog-eat-dog sometimes, and frankly I stopped trying to be the Alpha Male in the pack a long time ago…  Wow.  That picture needs a little cropping, doesn’t it?  Stop looking already…

Honesty in the workplace.  It’s one of the most difficult environments to create in such a field of competing egos, inflamed in a hard economy.  Many of us don’t like to have ourselves laid bare at work, open to questions from anyone, naked to constructive criticism.  But if you can figure out a way to develop a more nakedly honest office, you and your coworkers will be a lot happier, and productivity will actually increase.

After my obligatory in-depth research involving a quick and dirty 5-minute Google search, followed by reading 5 whole articles by other people with a lot more knowledge than I. (I know, I know, I work hard for you, I really do…) I came up with a few suggestions.  Read on as you strip down at your desk.  I’ll beat-box that boom-chicka-boom music for you, quietly so I don’t bother the guy in the next cubicle…

Never withhold information

You return after a 2-week vacation in Italy, tanned from the Tuscan sun, ready to tell everyone about your wine-and-laughter-filled experience, when you are called into a staff meeting. As you sit and sip your stinky American coffee, you realize that your coworkers and boss are head-long in implementing what you know to be a horrible idea. Whatever it is, was tried long before, and you know why it failed miserably. As that happy Italiany smile begins to melt from your face and your toes begin to curl up in your loafers, do you sit still and keep your mouth shut, or say something?

Being naked at work means never purposefully withholding information from your boss or coworkers, whether to make the situation seem better or to get along with what seems like a popular idea. You will have to bare it all and raise that hand and clear your throat. Take the time to explain fully your company’s past experience with this idea, and why it failed. With your new office nudity, also be ready to accept if conditions have changed, and the environment might be ripe to try that old idea again…

Never fake illness

It’s Monday, and as the alarm clock plays Achy Breaky Heart at a volume level designed to utilize sound waves to catapult the sheets off your warm body, you contemplate feigning the sniffles.  Get up, Stupid.  Let me paint a picture of you later that day hiding just inside the entrance of Victoria’s Secret, huddled under the colorful thong shelf with shopping bags crammed under your knees, your newly-spilled caramel latté next to you on the floor.  As your boss wanders in to check out the racey laceys, your cell phone begins to ring with your oft-played-at-the-office Jay-Z ringtone, as your mother calls you back to ask why you hung up so quickly.

Are you prepared to lose your job just because you need (or want) to run a few errands?   Yes, I know you work through your breaks and sip down a cup o’ soup at your desk half the time during lunch, but use some of that built-up comp time or take a short vacay in order to complete the things you need to do during work hours.  Naked honesty can be hard sometimes, especially when you know your coworkers are not as forthwith in their days off.  You can do it, and you will feel better about  yourself in the long run…

Don’t hide problems

You have a deadline staring at you from the shelf to your right.  It’s right by that plant that jerk of an ex-boyfriend gave you last month.  You know, the little once-green Dieffenbacchia you don’t water much anymore, a chlorophyllic voodoo doll held captive to your crumbling, roller-coaster emotional state.  If you don’t think you are going to meet a deadline, get your newly-naked self up and make an appointment with your boss.  Let him or her know when you are not going to meet a deadline, no matter how big or small the project is.

Letting your boss know of an impending missed deadline and the issues related to it says you care about the work needing to be done.  You might wind up getting others to help you, or a more respectful boss with a greater understanding of the issues involved with your work.  On the flip side, if your boss has to remind you that a deadline has come and gone, you will likely already look in his or her eyes as a procrastinator, or plain forgetful.  Lump that in with the Victoria’s Secret fiasco, and you might find yourself walking the pavement for another job…

Stop the gossip already

Did you hear that John had an affair?  Did you know that Susan got a breast enlargement?  Did you hear that David has a file cabinet filled with Army C Rations and Ensure, in case the world ends and he is trapped in the office? Did you?

There are few habits more pernicious and hurtful in a workplace than gossip.  I know it is hard sometimes to turn your back on the newest issue of the Daily Whisper, because it helps to pass the time, it brings certain high-and-mighty coworkers to their knees for your amusement, and it makes your problems seem more distant.

Stop with the office gossip, beginning with yourself.  Check the “evil tongue” at the door, and allow people their privacy. No matter how juicy a tidbit of information about a coworker appears, sharing it will only tarnish your reputation as well.

Tell Mrs. Wormwood Slipperytongue to take her business elsewhere, because you are no longer buying.  And develop that long-term relationship with David, because 2012 is just around the corner, and C Rations have significantly improved over the  years, especially the canned shredded turkey in gravy…

Share the nudity

If your company doesn’t hold scheduled staff meetings, then suggest it to your boss.  Invite everyone, no matter on what level they work.  Call in the delivery people, mailroom guy, secretaries, mid-managers, and that cute barista in the lobby who always asks you if you want whipped cream on it with that devilish smile.   (Note to my very lovely fiancée — This is a purely fictional character, and in no way is an indication of my interactions with people in or near my office.  I haven’t had a latté since that incident with the boss at Victoria’s Secret!)

Major corporations, including Google, Inc., find weekly to be a good frequency for getting everyone together. For many offices, this is a monthly evolution. No matter how often you meet, make it a point to stick with that frequency, no matter what.  Believe it or not, there are people who look forward to the next meeting, and they aren’t all axe-grinders.

Staff meetings must be a place where anything can be asked by anyone.  Management is informed beforehand that they must answer to the best of their ability, but within reason and corporate policy. This open environment, where your very own pet projects might get discussed in front of everyone else, will seem a bit awkward at first. Having Sean, who spends hours daily outside the back door on his cell phone with that hooker from Phoenix, ask you to state why it’s taking you four months to create that dynamic list of business contacts based on zip code and shoe size might leave you red-faced afterward.

Eventually things will improve, as everyone in the office begins to make decisions with an eye toward how their actions will look to everyone else.  Maybe Sean will find a way to break it off before Mrs. Slippertongue calls and lets his wife know the 411.

Bare naked evaluations

Employee evaluations ought to be honest and up-front.  An employee’s areas for improvement must be discussed. Maybe you think if you simply gloss over his answering of the office phone with the catchy phrase “Yo,” your employee-friend Alex will keep playing squash with you on Sunday mornings at the Y.  Maybe your real problem is an inability to genuinely connect with anyone, so you can’t make friends anywhere except by cornering the people who have to spend 8 hours with you each day of the week.  The people who rely on you for their rent money.  Hmm.  I dunno.

Being nakedly honest during evaluations and covering those areas needing improvement may seem scary, especially if that person is a high performer, but it’s needed both for you and the employee. If you don’t tell the employee what’s wrong and how to improve, they will spend yet another year making the same mistake, and ultimately productivity (or office morale) can suffer.   Other employees may think you’re playing favorites.  You might simply avoid the issue by giving important jobs to other workers, creating even more tension between you and the problem employee. This could result in your employee quitting or complaining, causing greater disunity in the workplace.  And nobody to play squash with.

Those are my suggestions for being naked at work today and every day.  Print it out and slide it under your boss’ door during today’s lunch hour.  He’s probably at Victoria’s Secret again right now anyhow.  And if you like this story, go ahead and share it far and wide.  Then send me your shoe size, ’cause I gotta finish this stupid customer database before the next staff meeting…

I am a thief of glances.  I’ll admit it.  I love to make eye contact with people when I am out and about.  It doesn’t matter if I am in the car, at the store, or at work.  If someone is near me and we are facing each other, I look at their face, seeking their eyes.  Should our glances meet, I look away quietly, with what can only be described as a smug sense of satisfaction at having made yet another personal connection.

Not everyone likes my glances; I have made a few people uncomfortable when they notice me looking, as though I have invaded their personal space, as if they saw something there they shouldn’t have seen, or have not allowed themselves to see.  It’s not sexual in nature, those stolen glances.  To me there is something about making eye contact that reminds me that I am not alone in the world – that we are all interconnected, equals, seeking something from each other.

After my very first day of Kindergarten 38 years ago, three little girls followed me as I walked home.  They surreptitiously walked a bit behind me, so I wasn’t really aware they were shadowing me until after I got home.  As a happy-go-lucky 4 1/2 year old, I wouldn’t have noticed them even if they had stomped behind me the whole way.  Their arrival was announced with the repeated ringing of the doorbell, which my father then answered in curiosity.

“Steven kissed me.” Said one of the girls.  ”Me too,” said another.  The accusations continued until all three girls had made my father aware that I had stolen a kiss from each of them that very day.  Apparently, it was wrong to kiss all of the girls I liked.  It’s not like this had been mentioned to me previously; after all, when attending family functions I was encouraged to give all of my aunties a kiss…  I suppose I was just really happy to suddenly be surrounded by girls, and my fervor got away from me…  Either way, my unabashedly wanton ways were out in the open now, after only my first day of school.

After some quiet laughter and a solemn promise to set me straight, my father shut the door and came to my room, where I hid, having heard the angry remonstrations from the girls on the front porch.  ”Don’t kiss any more girls at school,” my father told me, feigning anger in the hopes that I would realize the error of my way.  But a stolen glance at my father as he began to walk away revealed an odd sense of pride behind those steady eyes.

When I was fourteen, my parents divorced, and I moved from a large, open farmhouse we had been renting in Italy to a small apartment above a convenience store.  Along with the requisite foods, cleaning supplies, liquors and personal hygiene items, the owner of the store had a variety of imported toys and candies.  Every penny of my weekly allowance was spent at the store on either Legos or something sweet.

Every day, twice a day as was customary in Italy, the store owner closed shop to enjoy a meal with his family.  One day while playing outside at lunchtime during Summer vacation, a great temptation was revealed to me.  I noticed that the side door to the shop was left open, likely to keep the store from getting too hot inside, while the owner was away at lunch.

I looked around to ensure nobody was watching on that lazy afternoon, then crept over the low balcony, into the store, realizing with wonderment that I was alone, unwatched, with a great deal of time on my side.   My heart raced, pounding in my chest, my eyes darting to and fro for any sign of movement in the low light of drawn shades.  My face was flush, my hands wet with cold sweat, my stomach full of butterflies, as my glance moved toward the Legos and candy….

Over the next few weeks, my Lego collection slowly grew to a collection any young man would envy.  I was careful to hide my new largess from my mother, who would surely have skinned me alive for having carted away box after box without payment.  I built prolific creations, then quickly took them apart again, so as to not arouse attention.  But it was the chocolate eggs that kept bringing me back…

Each Swiss egg was about 4 inches wide, with three layers of chocolate – one white layer sandwiched between two layers of creamy milk chocolate.   Although the chocolate was perfection, what tugged my tortured my soul over and over through that open door (despite alarm bells in my mind to stop,) was what was inside each and every egg, behind that smooth, chocolaty skin.

Miniature books.  Tiny card decks. Forty piece miniature model planes, cars or ships.  Coins.  Metal soldiers.  To this day, I want to find the person who determined what went into these eggs and personally thank them for their ingenuity, for their obvious open pathway into the mind of a young boy still recovering from his life having been turned upside down.  I gleefully built each model, played with each toy soldier, squirreled away (and to this day still have) the miniature cards.  The chocolate, to me, was the sweetest I had ever tasted, rich with the flavors of plunder.

I suppose my need to steal glances and those chocolate eggs are linked, huh?  I mean, when we as adults are out and about in public, we are not so happy-go-lucky as we were in grade school.  We are quiet, unassuming, our expressions largely held in check.  When I make eye contact with strangers, I wonder if I am trying to see that which is hidden under the surface, what surprises lurk within, under the smooth skin.  Who are forty-piece models, each part intricate and fragile, held together beautifully on display?  Who are the many-chaptered books with fine print, difficult to understand but worth the read?  Who are the cold metal coins, aging gracefully but easily pocketed away? Who are the fun decks of cards, shuffling through life one game after another?  And who are the metal soldiers, whose eyes decry a hard life led, moving forward in that daily battle?

My father, were he still alive today, would likely tell me I should keep my eyes to myself, that living my own life is enough, to not have to try and figure out the lives of others as well.  But I’d also like to think that even as he told me this, he would smile a bit, proud in the knowledge that he raised a fine thief of glances, kisses and chocolates.

Written in commemoration of National Chocolate Day.

As usual, when discussing what day it is, I had to put some thought to how the remembrance and/or celebration of this popular character’s storied life can be tied to our existence in and use of social media. And I believe that the celebrated Mouse ties in quite nicely. Read and decide for yourself!

You can’t control how you come into a scene, but take hold of your future!

Mickey Mouse simply wasn’t really supposed to be. You see, Charles Mintz of Universal Studios hired a young Walt Disney and his staff to draw for what became the lackluster Oswald the Lucky Rabbit cartoon series. When Walt asked for an increased budget to support his staff, Mintz went behind his back and hired all of Walt’s staff out from under him, then offered him a paycut in reply. Walt, of course, was angered and began formulating his exit.

Walt finished out his contract, swearing to control his own destiny by creating his own original works and always retain the rights to them. He began working with Ub Iwerks, and asked him to come up with some interesting character ideas. Animals were popular in cartoons, so Ub drew frogs, dogs, cats, cattle and horses, but none of these appealed to Walt. Looking through some old sketches, Ub discovered that Walt loved mice, having had a pet during his childhood on a farm. Ub went to work on a few and presented them to Walt.

Walt loved the mice, choosing one in particular, and naming it Mortimer. His wife Lilian didn’t like the sound of the name and encouraged him Walt to reconsider. Legend has it that after a chance meeting with Mickey Rooney, Walt decided on Mickey Mouse.

In social media, you have the opportunity to spend some time thinking about how you want to be viewed by your audience, how you wish to present yourself. If it is your desire to have a wide swath of influence, make sure that what you say is either what others need to hear or can relate to. And make sure that it is honest, coming from your heart.

Mickey Mouse has grown from a bit movie part to the dominating face of the Walt Disney Empire. He is so inseparable from the Walt Disney brand, that statues commemorating Mr. Disney in his theme parks include him standing and holding Mickey’s hand…

Whether in Twitter or Facebook, you started out with no followers and nobody to listen to. You diligently sought out interesting people to follow, speaking up and opportune times and saying hello to, and engaging them. Keep it up. Even those that have a million followers started with none as they furtively typed in their first comment to the virtual Universe. Get in there and get involved. People will love you, too!

Learn from your mistakes and grow

In the silent movie Plane Crazy, Mickey plays the captain of an airship, flying through the skies with his passenger Minnie. As he has always, Mickey has eyes for Minnie; however Minnie is not interested in his advances. Mickey continues his amorous plays for affection, going so far as to even force himself on his passenger. A far cry from the happy-go-lucky and friendly Mickey we know today…

You are the captain of your social media plane. Pay attention to what you are doing there, to your many followers, and engage them in a manner that they deem appropriate. Don’t force people to follow you back, or push yourself over and over into their conversations.

They do make a cute couple...

Minnie ultimately discovers a parachute and escapes the plane, and Mickey ultimately crash-lands. The movie was a flop, and is one of the chief reasons that the premiere of his second movie, Steamboat Willie, is the one we use to officially celebrate Mickey’s arrival on the big screen. It would appear that since their introductions, Mickey has learned from his mistakes, and treats Minnie with far more respect…

Mickey smoked in The Gallopin’ Gaucho, but eventually gave it up, and we are all happier for him, as he celebrates his 81st birthday in full health. Yes, even mice can be exemplars of improving behavior.

The Biggest Fool is the Guy who Refuses to Learn From His Mistakes. ~ Gary Arbaugh (@Gary1980Arb)

It’s easy to say something that might offend others in Social Media. Don’t fret – simply apologize for it, consider a better way to have said what you did, and move on. Realize that some people will bail on you because they don’t like your style, and you will have to simply accept you cannot please everybody. If you are respectful and kind to everyone you meet, you will soon find the seats in your social airliner filled with plenty of people returning the affection…

Always be friendly and respectful to others

Across the board, Mickey Mouse is the most friendly of all of Walt Disney’s creations. No matter what is going on in his life, he greets his friends and even strangers with kindness and consideration. He is always quick to welcome in someone at his door, always ready to lend a hand or lend something to those in need, and ready to cheer up his curmudgeonly friend Donald Duck. Who by the way seriously needs to work on that speech impediment.

If all of us greeted our friends and followers with the same loving acceptance of whoever was on the other side of the connection, I have a feeling we would spend even more time in social media enjoying the company. Get involved in causes after carefully researching them, and don’t be afraid to cheer up the grumps. Everybody has a bad day.

Don’t let others get you down

For some, the term Mickey Mouse has been used to mean shoddy or shady, from a character in the movie The Godfather II referring to a “Mickey Mouse Operation,” to Indiana Jones saying “Yeah, and I’m Mickey Mouse.” While visiting foreign lands and noting unusual (and questionable) currencies, Americans have often referred to the flimsy notes as “Mickey Mouse Money.” British Soccer fans call the second-tier League Cup competition’s award “the Mickey Mouse Cup.”

We all have our nemeses both in life and here in social media, who put us down privately (and even publicly,) or question our motives and abilities. Despite this behind-the-back derision using his name, Mickey has remained cheerful and forward-looking. He has refused to let anyone get him down, and as young children seeing his fortitude, many of us have grown to love and respect the Mouse. Keep moving forward with purpose, and those that deride you will eventually fade away in their own negativity. There is also the block feature…

Be consistent in all that you do

We’re talking about a little guy who wears the same outfit 99% of the time. Consistency is Mickey Mouse’s forte and one of the big reasons he has been so successful over the last 80 years. We know the many consistent attributes of Mickey Mouse, and no matter the twists and turns of plot in a Disney cartoon, we know exactly how he is going to react.

Change your social media avatar only when needed, because it is part of that essential “brand” you have among others. Changing your avatar temporarily makes it hard for people to find you in the stream of information, as you are now an unfamiliar sight. You don’t want to get lost by the very same people who love what you have to say because you shaved that mustache or went blonde.

Take the time to truly know yourself, what you stand for and therefore how you ought to behave around others in all situations. Be well-grounded and familiar in your own personal philosophy and make the difficult decisions that keep you on course with it, or change when needed. Consistency in behavior sets the needed deep habits that will carry you through the hazards that come into all of our lives. Those that know and appreciate you will love you all the more for the bedrock you provide in their lives while facing the larger societal issues impacting the news or their lives, and will they reward you on Follow Friday by asking others to follow you too….

Be willing to try new things

From his exciting but lustful beginnings as a plane pilot to his happy-go-lucky, whistling days on a steamboat, Mickey has moved on to serve as a soldier, a musical conductor, tried his hand at Wizardry, has been a detective, and enjoyed a host of other roles in life. Mickey has cheerfully gone wherever sent by his animators, and If he were real, would’ve learned quite a bit from each new character.

Don’t be afraid to try new things. We are always faced with little opportunities disguised as hard work, and should never shy away from them. Often, these new responsibilities lead to growth whether as a person or employee. Never be afraid to figure out those things that seem positively magical in their complication; we often discover they are not so difficult once in the middle of the fray.

Find and make a variety of friendships in social media. Don’t keep your sphere of influence limited to those that look and sound and work like you. A wealth of varied experiences and backgrounds keep the stream of information flowing on your computer screen interesting. Accept the friend and follow requests from oddballs once in awhile, because you will soon discover that those residing outside of the box say things that make you both laugh and think, to say the least.

Be always at the ready to take the lead when asked

In politics, of all write-in protest candidates, Mickey Mouse has led the charge when voters have been dissatisfied with their offerings. Because of his consistently cheerful countenance and pleasant ways, Mickey on countless occasions he has had his name written down on ballot after ballot, his name bandied about in practically every single Presidential election since his birth. He has been offered up as a leader at school board, mayoral, city council, senatorial and gubernatorial elections.

If you follow Mickey’s social examples, you will soon find yourself in demand in the lives of your friends and followers, asking for help and sage advice. Don’t shirk your new-found popularity; rather, once again jump in with both feet and expand your niche. Give your opinion humbly, and accept the thanks when given.

Stand up for your ideals and beliefs

If you ever want to see the power of protectiveness, just begin a business enterprise using the Mickey Mouse character, without first asking permission from the Walt Disney Company. You will soon find yourself swarming in legal battles and facing off against a league of attorneys four-deep. Walt Disney is extremely protective of its characters, Mickey Mouse in particular. It’s Mother Hen-like guard over its brand has allowed Disney to grow profitably into new ventures over time.

Don’t let others take credit for what you do, know or say. Stand up for yourself, and make sure others know from whence the good ideas flowed. Politely remind people to retweet or recomment giving proper credit when due. Be consistent in branding who you are and what you stand for, so that others can easily define you when they too go to bat for you.

Tackle issues head-on

Mickey has always been up-front about problems or issues he sees. If he sees someone being bullied, he is the first to gather up his gumption and speak out. Invariably, he gets the snot knocked out of him, but her perseveres and ultimately wins out, and we respect him for it.

I have had the honor of helping Kirstie Alley (@kirstiealley) with Aquathon, a 24-hour social media marathon last July, wherein with the help of thousands, we raised $28,000 to drill 2 fresh water wells in Africa. I am looking forward to Aquathon II, slated for May 1st of 2010, a dance-a-thon to held World-wide. I am currently working with Josh Charles (@joshcharles) with his very meaningful project to donate 100% of the profits of his beautiful song Healing Time, to rebuild the homes in the Lower 9th Ward of New Orleans, where people are still smarting from the destruction of Hurricane Katrina.

There are a variety of issues you can address using social media. Take one that means a lot to you personally, and run with it. You can hold contests, tweet and ask for retweets, blog about your cause and send the links out. Create multimedia presentations by playing music and sending photos related to the cause. Be judicious in the amount of time you spend discussing your cause, so that your followers do not become jaded or block you due to the noise.

Of course, patterning your life or social media presence after a cartoon character might not seem desirable. But at least take the time to learn from the values that made Mickey Mouse popular all around the World. And if the big ol’ yellow shoes and round black ears fit, then wear ‘em!

Because they could be collected from all around, were lightweight, and could be stored for great periods of time through tough winters, nuts (mixed with other dried foods) allowed for the formation of base camps and hunting exhibitions.  The carrying of dried nuts allowed groups to travel great distances without the necessary concern of what to eat along the journey. In other words, the variety of nuts found in ancient times, in part, allowed our ancestors to comfortably spread out across the globe.

Today is National Nut Day, and I’m torn between celebrating either the guy who wears dirty sweaters and shouts at the walls as you transit from your parked car to the office door (and you pray he won’t notice you) or that little delicious, crunchy, culinary delight in the big grocery bin.  Maybe in some weird way, I can figure out how to do both…

If you asked a botanist

Ask a botanist what a nut is and he’ll likely first think of you, because you’re bothering him, and frankly he doesn’t know you.  After he moves past that, he’ll tell you that a “true nut” is a dry fruit with a hardened ovary (Ovary? Really?) and softer, detached seed center, and that it stays shut even at full maturity.   I don’t know why it has to be described in that way…ask your new botanist friend!  Examples of what a botanist would call a “true nut” are chestnuts, beechnuts, hazelnuts and filberts.  I’ll bet when a botanist is at Baskin Robbins and is ordering toppings for his girlfriend’s ice cream sundae, he says nuts, even if they are not “true nuts.”  He does if he wants to keep dating her….

If you asked someone who cooks for a living

In the world of cuisine, the definition of a nut is fast and loose.  If you spent your day around sharp knives and open flames, you might be a little loose with the definitions too.  Any large oily seed extracted from a shell and used to cook with is considered a nut in the world of the kitchen.  Because we have much closer relationships with those that cook our meals than botanists, we tend to view pistachios, walnuts, almonds, cashews, coconuts, pinenuts and even peanuts as “nuts.”  Everyone likes to remind the lowly peanut that he is actually a legume, or bean.  The peanut never asked for such dichotomy.  If some of us can call Perez Hilton a celebrity, why can’t we just call a peanut a nut?

Health benefits of eating nuts

A diet that includes nuts has a variety of benefits to the eater.  The Omega 3 oils in nuts reduces hypertension and the risk of heart disease, and may add years to your life if you replace sweet treats at breaktime with them often.  Studies have shown that putting out a bowl of walnuts and almonds can actually reduce the level of “bad” cholestrol in our bodies, and increase the number of health-conscious hotties hanging around your desk.

Nuts are rich in fiber, protein, antioxidants, and vitamins.  Because of a very low glycemic index, nuts are typically suggested as a snack for anyone with insulin resistance problems, such as diabeties. Nuts contain linoleic and linolenic acids that help with proper skin, hair, brain, blood and immunilogical development.  They are considered to be one of the “perfect” foods, due to the large cross-section of identified benefits in consuming them in moderation.

Types of nuts

Here is a non-comprehensive list, in alphabetical order, of the types of nuts you can eat.  Some may require special preparation, so don’t run out and grab just any one of them off the ground!  Have you had the opportunity to try most of these?  I’ll bet you haven’t!

• Acorn
• Beech
• Butternut
• Brazilnut
• Candlenut
• Cashew
• Chestnuts (Chinese, Malabar, and Sweet)
• Colocynth
• Cucurbita Ficifolia
• Filbert
• Gevuina Avellana
• Hazelnut
• Hickory (Pecan, Shagbark Hickory)
• Kola
• Macadamia
• Mamoncillo
• Maya
• Mongongo
• Oak Acorns
• Ogbono
• Paradise
• Pili
• Pistachio
• Walnut

From nut to “nutter”

So how did such a good little food, responsible for the survival and spread of our species over millenia, become a derogatory term meaning “insane?”  Although there are no really direct explanations for it, there are regional cultural cues in our language that may’ve led to this…

From the 18th to 20th Centuries, the slang version of nut or nuts was used in a positive manner, denoting an extreme desire toward something.  This was highlighted in Mark Twain’s novel Huckleberry Finn, circa 1884: “Tom had his store clothes on, and an audience — and that was always nuts for Tom Sawyer.”  It was not uncommon in literature to describe the height of love as being a form of insanity.  Sometime around the mid 20th Century, the word nut became synonymous with describing one’s head, with terms such as “tough nut to crack” being used to describe one with very guarded thoughts or emotions.

Somewhere in the mid 20th Century, all of these terms seemed to converge, and the term nuts came to be used to describe someone whose sanity was in permanent (rather than temporary) question.  A variety of terms came about, including nutter, nuthouse, nutty, nuthead, etc., all demeaning in form.  In the last 30 years of so, the term nuts has taken back some of its original meaning, and is used once again to describe a pleasant but strong desire toward something.

Add some nuts to your life

Knowing how the wonderful nut has contributed so greatly to our survival and in no small way to the fact that you live where you do, why not take some to the office with you?  And say hello on the way to the guy with the stinky sweater. He might want some too…

If you have not gone to a Starbucks or one of their hanging-on-to-dear-life local competitors and ordered an iced coffee, blended coffee or frappuccino, you are simply missing out on one of society’s shared sinful pleasures.  Don’t like coffee?  Then ask that barista you flirt with to hand you a green tea blend…

How did we come to fall in love with our blended ice coffees, anyway?

Introduction of the Frappé

Over 52 years ago at the International Trade Fair in Thessaloniki, Greece,  Nestle representative Yannis Dritsas was showing off a new instant chocolate milk mix.  People were enamored with the concept of adding a magical powder to milk, and shaking it up to instantly produce shouts of glee from their kids. During the course of the Fair, Yannis’ assistant Dimitris Vakondios, needing a pick-me-up, decided to make some instant coffee.  Hot water was nowhere to be found, so Dimitris  mixed the coffee mix with cold water and ice, and borrowed the shaker.  An instant hit was born.

Today’s Frappés

Today, Café Frappés are the national drink of Greece, in almost every coffee shop, and has been the subject of popular books.  There is a science involved with making a decent frappé, down to the proper techniques to create the perfect sized bubbles in the foamy top.

You can get a café frappé in varying degrees of sweetness, depending on how much sugar and coffee you want in the drink.  Glykos (sweet) typically means 2 teaspoons of instant coffee and 4 teaspoons of sugar.  Metrios (medium) means an equal measure of 2 teaspoons of coffee and 2 teaspoons of sugar, and Sketos (plain), meaning 2 teaspoons of instant coffee but no sugar.  To create a Frapogolo (frappé-milk) you can ask for the addition of evaporated milk to the mix.

To spice things up a bit, various liquers, chocolate milk, or vanilla ice cream can be added.  Starting to sound pretty good… Kahlúa anyone?

National variations on the Frappé

The frappé (and its die-hard fans) moved across Europe, from Greece to Cyprus, then Albania, Macedonia, across Asia, Turkey, and many Eastern Bloc nations, all of whom added their special twist on the drink.  Bulgarians have tried adding Coca-Cola rather than water, and in Denmark milk is typically used as a base rather than water.  Americans tend to like the version introduced and made famous by Starbucks, although in the Boston area, a frappé is what they call a very thick milkshake (no coffee.).  In France, a frappé is a milkshake-like concoction of milk or fruit juices.

Frappé is pronounced Frap. Rhymes with Rap. They liked that concept…

Frappé Recipe

According to http://www.frappenation.com to make a great Greek frappé, place 2 teaspoons of instant coffee, sugar to taste, and 3-4 teaspoons of cold water in a blender.  Blend for 10 seconds to get a good foam.  Add ice to a tall glass, and pour out the foamy mix into the glass.  Add a shot of evaporated milk and fill the rest of the way with water.

The Green Machine. The Silver Bullet. Stinky. The Sex Machine. Smokey.  Have you named your car yet? Will you ever?  After all, bey0nd your home and office, you spend a great deal of time in that four-wheeled money pit, whipping all over town, shuttling kids to world-changing events, stuffing your face with that Taco Bell Taco (yes, we can see you through the lightly tinted windows…)

Today is Name Your Car Day.  Your car says a great deal about you, whether acting as your status symbol or shouting through the clouds of burnt oil that you just don’t give a damn.  Shouldn’t you do your automobile some justice (or simply get revenge,) and name it appropriately?

The same with animals that you find and bring home, if you name your car, it becomes yours, truly yours. And it makes it more difficult to turn you back on it in times of need.  The relationship might be love-hate, but it is still a relationship.

Putting aside that naming your vehicle is a personal matter, here are some rules you can follow when naming your empty McDonald’s bag mover:

• If your care is a veritable workhorse, make it a manly, strong name.   Some manly options you may include are Lance, Max, Flex, Steel, Sterling or Magnum.
• If you work in the color of your car, add the word The to the beginning, and the color immediately after.  Oh, something like The Orange Snail could do…
• You can name a car after someone you love, but never, ever after someone you hate.  I for one do not want to be caught behind the grimy wheel of a Bernie Madhoff.  Maybe you could name it after a benefactor that allowed you to get the car in the first place? First names only, please. Unless the last name is pretty cool…
• Sports cars should have fast, dangerous sounding names.  You can work in Bolt, Quake, Fire, Blaster or even Danger.  Remember, the name needs to sound dangerous to everyone else, not just to you.  Recurring Acid Reflux is not an option, nor is Leaky Natural Gas.
• You can name a car after something you really love.  Maybe you can work in the word “Chocolate” or “Caramel” or “Mocha” into a particularly brown model.
• 

  Sleek and sexy cars can have the additional title of “Lady” or “Princess” added in front.  A nice brown sexy Lexus might be Lady Prima Chocolata.  I for one would rather be behind the wheel of the Bernie Madhoff, but to each their own.

• Popular cartoon characters are always a winner, especially among whimsical cars like Volkswagens.  The Road Runner is always popular, and can do well to show an utter lack of creativity.
• Old beater cars can proudly wear the additional name of “Old” in front of their names.  Old Timer, Old Yeller, etc.
• Try to figure out a name that would reflect well on the driver, as the name will have some bearing on how people view you, too. Nobody wants to ride with the guy boldly maneuvering the Piece of Crap.
• A pickup truck should have a folksy name.  Chance. Rufus. Red. You get it.
• Big, expensive luxury automobiles (we don’t call them cars) should have a name with a pedigree.  Think Archibald or Bartholemew, Caterina or Lawrence.

What have you named you car?  Please give a comment below and let me know if it’s interesting, and why you chose that name…

Throughout our gastronomic history, our species has been populated with adventurous men and women who, after coming across a foreign substance stuck to a tree, under a rock, behind a bush or in a cave, thought to themselves, “I’ll put that in my mouth.”

Early history

The Ancient Greeks moved aside the bark of the mastic trees on the island of Chios, and grew fond of the flavor of the resinous sap they found therein, discovering that it kept their breath fresh as it cleaned their teeth.  How often have you seen something dribbling from a bush and thought you’d chew it for awhile?

The Greek physician and botanist Dioscorides decried the “curative” powers of the mastic resin.  Mastic was combined with beeswax to soften it, and the mix moved to the Middle East.  Did you know that the Greek Word mastiche, the root of the word masticate (or chew) comes from the mastic plant?

In the Second Century, the Mayans discovered the joys of chewing the sap of the Sapodilla tree, called chicle. These trees grow to over 100 feet tall, and were typically allowed to grow for 25 years prior to tapping for the resin every few years. Different tree saps appealed to different indigenous peoples. After felling spruce trees, early Native Americans discovered they could safely chew on the resin inside, and passed this little joy to the American colonists.  The practice of chewing spruce resin continued into the early 1800s, until paraffin wax grew in popularity as a chewable.

Introduction to America

Compounding on this early success, Adams added licorice flavor to his gum, and called in Black Jack, the very first gum sold in sticks.  The gum was extremely popular, but did not hold its flavor for long.  Of course, this meant that fans of Black Jack had to buy a lot to keep in good supply…

Black Jack chewing gum sold well into the 1970s, and made a comeback in the late 1980s as a novelty gum.  Adam’s original company merged with others, becoming known as the American Chicle Company, where Adams invented the popular Chiclets brand.  The American Chicle Company is now part of the Cadbury Group.

Making something good better

In 1880 William White ordered some chicle, and began experimenting with a variety of flavorings, including peppermint.  He added sugars and corn syrup to the chicle mix, which seemed to greaten the enjoyment and extend the flavor for a greater period of time.  With the advent of good flavorings, chicle-based gums took the market over from both spruce and paraffin.  By 1893, the William Wrigley Company began selling Spearmint and Juicy Fruit.

Since the 1920′s a variety of tree resins have been used to make chewing gums, including the lechi, caspi, sorva, nispero, tunui and jelutong trees, trees spanning the globe from Central and South America, North America, Indonesia and Borneo.  The last chewing gum brand in America to use chicle was Glee.

How chewing gum is made

The modern manufacturing process has introduced man-made resins and waxes and greatly increased the pleasure of the chewing experience. Sugars, special flavorings and other fillers are added together and mixed in with the melted gum base, and softeners depending on whether or not the gum will be used for bubbling. Sticks are scored and cut, spray-coated with super fine powdered sugar, and let sit for 2 days in a climate-controlled environment. Gum balls are coated with colored sugars mixed with beeswax or man-made waxes.

Other chewing gum facts

The American Dental Association says chewing a low-cal gum after every meal greatly reduces tooth decay because the increased saliva delivers with it flouride, calcium and phosphate to your teeth.

There are hundreds of brands of chewing gum all over the World, with at least 50 popular brands in the U.S. alone.

In 2004, a popular eBay attraction was ABC (already-been-chewed) gum that was purported to once belong to pop star Britney Spears. Pieces sold for up to $150.00 each.

Swallowing chewing gum is relatively harmless. Your body will not digest it, but as with all indigestibles, it will be passed through your body. That said, if you constantly swallow your gum, you increase the chances of one piece not getting passed, and becoming a Bezoar, or permanent stone in your digestive system.

Over the barely visible rising steam of sleeping, tangled bodies, rolled into each other as a barrier against the cold morning air, the quiet scrawling was barely perceptible, a long whispering scrutching. Breath held, hoping to not add one more sound over the quiet snores nearby, he moved the stone carefully, as his narrowed eyes flittering left and right, wanting to see how the new figure would fit with the previous ones.  It was so hard to hold his breath, quiet slow gasps escaping his lips, as his heart pumped joyously in the excitement, in the memory of the hunt….

Our earliest known manifestations of comic book-like narrative began in France, some 32,000 years ago, rough prehistoric cave carvings, typically portraying the men and animals involved in massive hunting exhibitions, proud boastings of early organization and success.  Soon thereafter color was introduced to the etchings, bringing them to life even now.

The ancient Egyptians, through the use of hieroglyphics, began the tradition of linear story-telling by placing images alongside each other with a narrative. Military defeats, rises and falls from power and glory, tragedy and triumph were reawakened through the almost-magical working of stone. And color, brilliant color, brought the story to life…

The use of illustration to tell a narrative has never been the fodder of limited intelligence or juvenility; rather, stories told through the magic of a skilled artist have caught the continuing attentions of other artisans, collegians, world leaders as well as the populace in general, learned and unlearned.  The gifts of Michelangelo and Da Vinci have eternally moved our hearts with a single frame….

We can trace the origins of the modern-day comic book to Richard Fenton Outcalt’s work, The Yellow Kid, circa 1896. Using the traditions of his artistic predecessors, Richard added on an extremely important graphic device – the balloon. He reserved areas devoid of background imagery, and wrote in text spoken by the characters. Suddenly, the individual cartoon images of his time became short graphic novels, of sorts. The reader had to then add a voice in his mind to match the character, which was only a synapse or two away from imagining motion, background noise, smells, and what might lie beyond the drawn square. It moved us from the happy stare to the desire to see what would occur next.  In other words, our minds were now set in motion, our imaginations lit on fire…

The first comic books tended to maintain a humorous tone, hence the very early adoption of the word “comic” when describing them.  Light-hearted comic books began to gain popularity in Italy, France, Japan and Portugal, among other countries with largely literate populaces and cheap printing presses.

During the Great Depression, not only a desire for old-fashioned humor but also escapism from the travails of daily life moved the comic book into the realm of adventure.  Flash Gordon and Dick Tracy comics gained prominence, as well as Prince Valiant and the Phantom, as we were brought out of the misery to take part in saving others on the street, forest, and netherworlds. Overseas, the adventurous Tintin took a foothold in Belgium, and soon therafter, the Superhero emerged…

The first Superman comic book was introduced through the Action Comics series, on June 30, 1938. Afterward and through 1945, over 400 comic book heroes were introduced trying to capitalize on Superman’s successful formula, but most faded away due to a lack of interest in establishing relationships with so many others. We were a illustratively monogamous bunch. The character Batman was introduced in 1939, developing a slow but steady following.  When Captain America was introduced, the cover featured him fighting Adolf Hitler, an outlet for American children to believe that a patriotic superhero was helping their fathers (and mothers) in the battle against the Axis Powers .

During the somber and defensive era of McCarthyism, comic books also took a blow to the gut, after Psychiatrist Frederic Wertham wrote The Seduction of the Innocent, accusing comics of corrupting our youth, inciting them to mimic the violence therein. From this, a code of conduct for comic book writers called the Comics Code Authority was introduced, decimating a number of popular titles and/or the characters therein, saddening their devoted yet silently brooding fans.

During the 1950 and 1960s, Marvel Comics emerged with a rapidly growing fanbase following the exploits of The Fantastic Four, The Incredible Hulk, The X-Men, and Spiderman. It is interesting to note that the SuperHeroes that emerged during the period held in check by the most stringent period of the Comics Code Authority are dominating the film industry of today…

The sexual revolution of the 1970s began spicing things up in the comic book industry, as Barbarella made her scantily clad appearance in stores, and Conan the Barbarian made us all seem so puny in the mirror. Society’s mores were questioned, authority condemned, violence enacted for the sake of justice, and sex was rampant.  In comic books too!  In the later 70’s as Rock music began its rapid march to take over the buttons in the local jukebox, Heavy Metal made its way into many a teenager’s hand (and under his mattress, safely away from Mom’s glance.)

The comic book took a bit of a dark turn during the 1970s, some say beginning with the murder of Spiderman’s girlfriend, Gwen Stacy, by the villainous Green Goblin. Superheroes began to appear more human, with frailties, despite skin as hard as diamonds.  Superheroes could be challenged, beat, or stamped into utter misery, if the proper lever could be found. After Stan Lee agreed to write a three-part Spiderman series decrying drug use, the Comics Code Authority began to lessen its influence over the industry, allowing drug use to be mentioned, as long as it was in a negative way. The Comics Code was soon loosened further, allowing writers to include otherworldly creatures such as ghosts, vampires and werewolves in their story lines; Swamp Thing and Ghost Rider emerged in response.

Today’s comic books (and graphic novels) have almost all of the complexity of any major piece of literature, albeit portrayed in richly drawn detail, and obviously with far, far fewer words.  Independent publishers of comic fare such as Pacific, Eclipse and First challenged the powerhouses of comicdom. In response to the challenge, Superman was revamped, Wonder Woman became sexier, and Batman got a complete makeover, cape, car, muscles and all.  The emphasis was on creating an iconic art piece on every page, replete with a storyline that absolutely could not be put down. These are not your father’s comics, as the cynicism of the 1980s and advent of modern Psychology brought with it enhanced character development in the comic world.

Our faithful SuperHeroes no longer battle evil in a quest for simple goodness or for a better America, in response to an almost cellular sense of Patriotism.  The new Men and Women of Steel and Gotham simply have a deep, undeniable psychological desire to crush the criminal, often in reponse to a wrong they suffered or witnessed during their formative years.  And the villains have followed suit, rising to this challenge by transforming from bad guys into psychologically challenged menaces of society, bent on ever-increasing destruction.

Oh, to be able to put a fresh copy of The Dark Knight into the hands of that young man so many thousands of years ago, to see what he would think as his eyes scanned the pages, recognition on his face to the eternal symbols of fear, love, joy and hate, dropping his sharp stone and slowly sitting down next to his sleeping family, comic book in hand…